Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

July 22: If my friends were beverages of the alcoholic variety.

I have such a random and eclectic mix of friends. No one is exactly like an other. Each of them brings something to my life that another may not.

I was thinking up abstract topics – ones that I can have fun with. Somehow, my mental process ended up with this topic. Don’t ask how I got there!I am not advocating using alcohol or anything here. I am not actually that big a drinker, with the exclusion of my birthday and the odd night. It’s more than when I do drink, I tend to go over board.

These are not all my friends: More my main core of mates that I speak to all the time and visit if I get a chance.

Tamika would be Vodka. She is just what I need after a long summers day, and goes down smoothly until you take too much of her, and then she burns you. She is always up for laughs and guarantees I have them. Yep. Definitely Vodka.

Rebecca would be… Baileys. Smooth, calming, with a hint of spice. Nice and measured, but with the ability to make me do crazy things.

Chiko… Well… I can only think of Tequila for her. This is going to sound so wrong, but Tequila makes my clothes fall off and I do crazy stuff. It’s the hard and fast method to a time not remembered, but with crazy ass photos that will haunt me till the day I die.

My Big sister, Bec… I wondered for a bit what she would be. I think she would be Bacardi rum. My go to, my calmer, my mixer, my straight. I think that sums her up perfectly.

Ness. She was a toughie. She doesn’t drink very much, but one of my favorite photos of her is in Greece with a big glass of some cocktail. So I think I would make her my cocktail, a mixture of great things rolled into one.

smAshley and Ashliegh. There was no doubt with this one, they would be my Bundaberg Rum. Always up for a good time that’s filled with the possibility of everything, which keeps me calm while being totally chaotic.

Samantha: No doubt here! She is definitley my Passion Pop! The alcohol that you have when things are going to get out of hand but you just don’t care. Always up for the unexpected, Sam is definitely this one.

Sally. Ugh. Where do I put Sally? She’s not my wine, and she’s a lot more smoother than hard liquor. I think she would be my Chambord – smooth, delightful, never harsh or nasty. Yep, I think Chambord would suit Sal perfectly!

Well, after reading that, it would appear that I have a well stocked bar at my disposal. I am so lucky!

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July 21: RPGs and why I can’t play them.

Do you know what RPGs stand for? It means Role Playing Games.

Think Final Fantasy, Skyrim, WoW, yadda yadda yadda.

I have friends who spend hours on these games. I don’t just mean a few, I mean a lot. And I just don’t get them!

I have a limited attention span, I have no sense of direction or memory of where I have been in a game, I get bored if there is no definite ending in sight, and basically? I just get bored of the whole game.

Now – give me Mario. I will play that bad boy down. Even PokeMon Snap! on 64 will get played within an inch of it’s life. What do these two have in common, other than the fact that they are played on two of the coolest systems ever brought out by Nintendo? They have definite endings. There is no “If I go this way, then that way, then bend over and kiss my butt, I will get another inch closer to the end!”
There is just “hey, keep going to the right! The castle will be there!”

Plain and simple, yes? I think so. My life is confusing and hectic enough – I don’t want to play it as well! I like simplicity. I like that I only have to jump on a Goombas head once, and know that the bastard isn’t going to come back alive to me! Ok, I know this example is moot when you get to the baddies, but hey, go with me.

I have watched my friends play their games, and usually, once they hit the “start” button, I am lost. They look at compasses and know which direction to go in, they worry about things like bandits and bears and skeletons jumping at them, and I’m just sitting there with a blank look on my face. I couldn’t even master Spyro, how am I going to grasp this?

Sit me down with a SNES controller, put in Mario (Or Yoshi, if you’re feeling super generous) and watch me tear it up. I can play those games with my eyes closed because I have been playing them for years and love them. (P.S – I did actually finish a level with my eyes closed once. Possibly my proudest moment.) You know where things are going to be, you don’t have to worry about them coming at you with a bayonet thats laced with some poison that will turn you inside out. You just have to get to the end of the level.

I guess this actually says a lot more about my intelligence level than I realised. I just don’t like long, involved processes. Short, Simple, and to the point is how to win me over in a game.

Now pass me that controller. I need to beat my best time on Mario Kart.

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July 20: Samson came to my bed, Told me that my hair was Red…

I’m pretty proud of myself. My hair was kept one colour, pretty much, for a whole year.

THAT IS AMAZING!

This hasn’t happened since I was about 12. I love having my hair different colours, and get bored rather easily. Pink, Blue, Black, Red, Orange, Blonde, Brown, Yellow. You name it, I have probably done. Except for green. I hate green.

My hair is the one thing in my life that I feel like I control 24/7, 365. I also feel sorry for it – It goes through so much!

My hair tends to get changed when I go through some kind of huge thing in my life. This time, it was starting University and it went Bright Red.

 

The problem is though, that it is starting to fade already. I definitely didn’t think it right through, and I can see it having to be a redo job every few weeks. Because it went over the top of blonde, it went super bright. I was a little surprised at how well it turned out – after all, to me, brighter is better. I like bright things, especially hair.

I now actually take the time to do my hair. It’s been teased, curled, straightened, mussed. I have fun doing it again, rather than just throwing it up into a bun or a bow.

Any woman will tell you that their hair is a major part of their confidence. This is why I have so much respect for the women who shave it off for various charities and what not. Go you good things! But leave mine alone. My hair is a symbol of femininity (remember the lack of boobs) and it means a lot more to me than it should.

I can hide behind it when I’m feeling nervous, or I can pull it all back when I’m all “I am woman, hear me Roar!”
I can fiddle with it when I’m bored, or I can make it cute and fluffy when I need a pick me up.

Most women take a lot of pride in their hair, and any changing of it is not generally taken lightly. This is why hair dressers have such a booming trade! Seriously, Hairdressers are like God with the magic they do. They deserve a golden scissors award, every year or something. Think the Grammys of the Hair dressing trade.

I toyed briefly with the idea of cutting mine short again. When I was in year 7 at school, I had the boys cut: kind of a mushroom top with the undercut. I love it then, and sometimes now I think I could rock it. And then I look at my hair, and go “Naaaaaa.”

What do you think about hair? Is it a symbol to you, or do you think it’s not? Shoot me through some comments, lets get some discussion!

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July 19: University, comin’atcha!

So, we all know I have aspirations of becoming a midwife.

Well now, guess who is a student of La Trobe University, Wodonga, and has been now for three weeks?

Starting Uni has been amazing for me in so many different ways. I feel like a sponge some days, eager to soak up everything I possibly can so that I can get home and do my homework. I am putting in extra hours in to my homework, and I know that to some it is somewhat unnecessary. But to me, I love it. My social life has diminished, I miss my family… but I’m learning again. I am taking the steps to better myself and my prospects. Go me!

The biggest thing I am struggling with at Uni is that I have to be super careful about putting my opinions into papers and essays. I mean, Hello? I am the most opininated person I know… after my mother. I have an opinion on most things, and there has been an occassion already where it has bubbled burst forth in a class discussion. (P.S – I have very firm opinions on obesity. I will take you on!)

The copious amounts of writing are sometimes daunting to me. I can do it on a computer if I wish, but for me things sink in better if I hand-write them out. It’s the first time in my whole schooling life that I have been super-duper organised, and I know what assignments I have due when and they’re usually done!

One thing I like about University is the anonymity. No one cares whether you’re fat, skinny, in ugg boots or in high heels. It’s a place where the hard questions get asked but where you have to find the answers. The library is amazing, and I could get lost in some of the reference sections.

I have made many new friends, and they’re all awesome. We’re all there for the same reason: to learn and grow.

Daniel got in as well, which I am proud of. Two Uni students in the Ringless HQ – my loungeroom looks like a students because we both have folders and pens and papers in our seats (yes, we have spots where we always sit. Mine is a giant armchair. Don’t screw up my ass groove).

The other big change since starting Uni is that my sleeping patterns have changed. I am now in bed and asleep by about midnight, and up and about between 7 and 8. I feel great! I am no where near as tired as I used to be, I am not up till all hours. Holy Hell, I actually have a routine for the first time in years! WOOOOOOO!

Going to Uni is about the biggest, most significant, thing I have done in years. I feel fulfilled, and happy. It’s nice to want to go to somewhere and learn, instead of fearing the outside world. It feels good to be making progress and steps toward my ultimate dream.

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July 18: The trap in which I fell.

It’s happened. I have known it, but have shut my eyes to it for the last month. Yes, Month.

I fell into the trap of every bloggers worst nightmare. I let this get too far ahead of me, and then the tasks seemed to much for me to catch up. Then I would find every excuse under the sun not to blog, because I knew how much of a task I had ahead of me. SILLY SILLY ME!

So much has happened in the last month. I wish I could sit back and rewatch it, look for signs, look for outs, and just relive it again. I have been crazy hectic busy, but I am starting to see just what is ahead of me. It’s still all blurry at this stage, and there are somethings I am just not sure of. But the light is there.

So, you’re all going to be spammed by me for a little while. I have four hours today in which I have left open, purely to blog as much as possible. If I can crank out a few blogs today then I will be well on my way.

The last month is going to be spoken about in upcoming blogs. Things are a-happening for me! Let’s all get excited!

But I know I can never get this far behind again. there is only four months left of this year, and I still have 165 posts left to do! I have completed 200 (This is 201!) but I cannot let myself down about my goal. I have worked so hard on it, for so long.

I have planned somethings to get me back in love with this page. There is a revamp coming, if I can talk my cousin into it. I have a list of topics to discuss. I have some social events that I need explained to me!

Thank you to every one who has waited for me. I appreciate you all so much!

Big Love
Kloi-Jayd

xxx

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July 17 : Ok, Winter. I’m over you now!!!

Ugh. I am so over winter! Bulky clothes and cold nose, BEGONE!

Don’t get me wrong, I know as soon as it’s Summer I’m going to be one of those annoying people that’s all like “Awww Man, Give me back Winter, I hate Summer!” ra ra ra but right now, I don’t care.

I go to bed at night with three doona’s and a hot water bottle (who I have named Mavis, but that’s another story) and am usually still freezing. I wake up in the morning and count my toes, just to make sure none have fallen off. Then comes the ritualistic breaking off of the snotcicle – OK, slight exaggeration, but you get my drift – and it’s straight to the kettle for a hot coffee.

I miss Summer. I miss lazy afternoons by the weir with my siblings, and summer night swimming at my parents with my little sisters. I miss sitting on my back porch for hours at nice because it’s nice weather and I can enjoy it. I miss playing water fights and throwing water balloons at anyone who catches my eye.

Winter doesn’t do a lot for me at this time of year. When it first gets here I’m all “Wintahhhhh! Come at me bro!” and then come July and it’s just like I can’t get rid of it fast enough. I don’t know how people do it when they actually live in the snow. I would never be venturing farther than my heater! I may be fat, but I don’t like the cold. At all.

I miss my 3/4′s and my summer tops and big sunglasses and floppy hats. I just want to pick an article of clothing and wear it without wondering if I am going to turn blue or lose an appendage.

Ugh. Summer, Summer, wherefore art thou, Summer?

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June 16: The Bobby Pins which grow legs

There is a legend in every females house. It turns up in every bedroom, every crevice, every possible place.

It is the legend of… The Vanishing Bobby Pins

When I pull out a couch or whatever I am always the re-owner of a million bobby pins. It’s amazing!

They start out in my hair, and then attached to my clothes at the end of the day. From there? They disappear into Bobby-Pin land.

Ask any girl in the world and they will agree with me. Bobby Pins just seem to vanish, go into nothingness, only to turn up again in some strange and unwarranted place that you would never have thought to check.

I have come to the conclusion that mine grow legs, run away, and hide. I don’t know why – maybe its because I twist them into all sorts of shapes when I am bored? If so, I would completely understand. I probably wouldn’t like it either, so I respect their choice.

BUT I would appreciate it if they made their (NON?) presence known before I actually need them. There is nothing more frustrating than getting your hair so it looks awesome and then not being able to find a Bobby. Ladies, can I get a Hell Yeah?

Imagine this: You’re having a great hair day. This hair allows you to take on the world. You’re rocking it, smirking in the mirror, doing that whole “Oh, Yeah, I got this shit” pose. You need one more Bobby Pin. Just one! But you can’t find it any where. So, kepping your head still, you carefully remove the hand holding it all together and search with one hand. You can’t find it. You then notice that your hair, which was perfect before, has fallen and gone awry. You get shitty, scrape your hair back into a pony tail and walk away from the mirror in a huff. All because of one measly little pain in the butt Bobby Pin.

Bobby Pins turned up snagged in carpet, stuck on clothes, in towels, in drains, beside your bed, under your bed. You get my drift, right? They just turn up everywhere.

I even designated a little Bobby Pin holder in my bathroom but they still seemed to abscond. They’re slippery little buggers!

I think they wait till I’m asleep, and then get all Chicken Run on me and figure out a way to run away from me.

What do you do to keep your Bobby Pins together? r are you like me and have escape artist Bobby Pins that are all named Houdini?

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June 15: Play that funky music, white boy!

There are songs out there that every one knows. You only have to say one or two words and you will have the rest of the songs line in your head. I’ve compiled a list for you, and drove myself crazy in the process.

Stop! – Hammer Time!

Turn up the music! – Let the DJ revolve it. Ice, Ice, Baby!

Thunder bolts and lighting – very, very frightening me! Galileo!

If I could find a way – I’d take back all the words that’d hurt you, and you’d stay…

Once, there was this boy who - parent’s made him come directly home straight after school.

On the radio – The stereo, the way you move ain’t fair you know

I need to get fuel – Give me fire, give me that which I desire

I’m sexy – And I know it

What about me – it isn’t fair. I’ve had enough, now I want my share

I’ve got to be sure – When I walk out that door, oh how I want to break free.

Come and listen – to a story about a man named “Jed”

Never gonna – give you up.

Do you  have any to add to the list?

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July 14: If I Were Mark Zuckerberg

I got to thinking about Zuckerberg today, and was thinking that, realistically, he must be a tops bloke.
Let’s look at what he has done for society:

  • created a space where socially awkward people can all hang out and be socially awkward together
  • made stalking so much more accessible to the common human
  • allowed a platform for every unflattering photo of you to be aired
  • allowed a platform for YOU to air every unflattering photo of your friends
  • created a land where farming is more important because it has “ville” after it
  • united millions of people in their hatred or love of Timeline (and every FB update or change)
  • given people a diary to write in so their inner most secrets can be shared with everyone
  • made cyber-bullying a whole new face

He’s also like a million kajillion dollars richer (not actual amount) and is sitting pretty, even when his float sunk. He has had a movie made out of an internet site that was meant to be just for one colleges students. Let’s face it: Mark Zuckerberg is the bomb.

But, I asked myself, what would I do if I were Mr Z?
Would I sell, sell, sell and GTFO to retire to a life of lazing on yachts, driving porches, and get a boob job?

Well, yes.

But if I decided (since I would be Mr Z and all) that I wanted to keep FB and raking it in? I would change a whole lot of shit.

All your farms would have a glitch where once a month a plane would fly over head, spray some sort of whatever on your crops and you would have to start again. Why? Because people would begin working on real farms out of frustration, so the environment would win.

You would actually have a stalker protection, so that if someone tried to look at your profile more than once, you would get an email. Ding Ding, Stalker named “X” is looking at your profile. Send out the Police? Y/N

You would be able to click a photo of you that is horrid, and have it removed from the page entirely. It would be able to be reuploaded, once someone has played with photo shop.

I would make hangout areas, like chat rooms, where all the awesome ones could go, and all the socially awkward ones could go, etc. That way, you would have a direct link to others like you, and you wouldn’t have to troll the page trying to find people. You’d be all like: “Hey, I’m socially awkward but have super awesomeness as well, I can go right here and talk to others like me. WOOP!”

I would go back to the layout of about 5 years ago, and then watch the whole network go crazy and bitch and whine. I would then say “You wanted it never to change, so I’ve put it back. Sucks to be you.” But, because I am magnanimous, I would change it back to Timeline eventually and people would hail me a hero. And they would be right.

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July 13: Dear You.

Dear You.

Yes. YOU. Reading this blog.

I have seen you walk past me in the street. I have seen you comment on the internet. I have seen you in the back of classrooms.

You’re amazing. You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful.

Do you know that somewhere, some one is thinking of you? Someone thinks you are perfect. Do you know why they think that? Because you are. You are perfectly you.

I have seen you be too scared to put forth an opinion, in case someone thinks it’s wrong. Your opinion is never wrong – you are entitled to your opinion. You’re amazing enough to share your opinion. Trust me.

What are you worried about? Are you not societies image of perfection, so you feel less worthy? Society is screwed up. Don’t ever feel that because you are different to a model, you are less than that model.

You’re not. You are equal to that model. To someone, you are better than that model.

Did you know, when you smile, your whole face lights up? Your eyes sparkle and you radiate. Your are never more beautiful than when you smile.

Sing a song with me.
“When you’re smiling, when you’re smiling, the whole world’s smiling with you…”

Remember to smile, beautiful one. Someone may be falling in love with your smile, even if you don’t realise it.

Hey, You! Are you still with me? Are you listening to what I am saying? You are the epitome of a perfect you.

You are worthy of everything the world has to offer you. If anyone ever tells you different, don’t believe them. Why shouldn’t you believe them? Because you are an amazing person, with a lovely heart. No one is more deserving than you. You can have the world as your oyster, if you want it. You can have anything. You are no less worthy than someone who already has them.

You’re an amazing person with an individual personality. You are someone who can light up a room with your lovely smile. You are worthy of all the riches in Persia.

You are perfect. You are the most perfect you that there ever could be. Don’t lose that, beautiful one. You are exactly how you are meant to be. You are wonderful.

Lots of Love,
Me xo

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