Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

January 22: Dear Body…

on January 22, 2012

Dear Body.

It’s been a long time since I have asked this, but how are you? How are you feeling? I’ve noticed that over the last two weeks you have been a lot more tired. Have you been enjoying it like I have?

There are so many things I wish I could ask you, Body. I wish you can answer me the riddles that constantly float about in my brain about you.
We’ve been through a lot together. We have lots of battle wounds, and moles, patches of skin which are pigment free (and kinda freaky, which I love), as well as lots of hair and blemished.

In the last few years, body, I have neglected you shamelessly. I’ve been asking myself why I have abused you so much, and why I hate you to the extreme that I do.
Yes, I do think that a few of our issues can be placed on the school-yard bullies we encountered. But I also wonder if my misuse of you has been because I feel like you let me down in a lot of ways. I have a disease that I can’t be rid of – and controls much of my waking thoughts – and for that I feel I hate you.

It feels like anything I do to get you back into the condition that you never should have left fails miserably. But I am trying again, Body. I am trying very hard. There are so many things I wish I could change about you, but I know that between you and my Mind, I have to regain some of the control that I relinquished.

It feels like you and I are in a constant battle. That you don’t want to give back what I have given you.  It makes me wonder, Body, what is going through you that you are cleaving to.

I am going to change as much as I can, Body. And I am going to learn to manage that which you have given me that I had no choice about.

I have decided that I am going to start loving you again; I am going to find something to appreciate about you every day. And once that happens, I might be able to give you the hug that you deserve.

Lots Of Love,
Kloi-Jayd.

Everyone has something about themselves that they wish they could change. It could be that their nose is too squished, their belly is too big, their feet are too smelly.
I had a weigh in today and while it wasn’t disastrous, it was still devastating to me. It knocked me for six all day, But I know that I have to regain control – I need to stop  seeking comfort from the bikkie tin or the Coffee Milks.

For me, the main things that I wish I could change are my bulges, my boob size (yes, I am President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee), and the way that my ears stick out.

I need to start looking for the things I like about my body, like my nose, my lips, my eyes and my hair.

Yes, I have been on a weight loss mission, but until I appreciate what it is about me that I like, I cannot let go of the things that I don’t. I am notorious for only finding the things about myself that I don’t like, and completely ignoring the things about me which are good. And the only things I am looking at are on the outside. I tend to forget about the things that matter, like how I will be there for any friends that need me, and how loyal I am to my family. I ignore the fact that I am generally a confident and outgoing person, who has the ability to tell you to go to Hell and leave you in anticipation for the trip.

I am trying to let myself see the things in me which are valuable. It’s hard. It’s so very, very hard…

Are there things about yourself which you don’t like?
What would you change if you could?
Don’t forget to let me know via the comments, 🙂

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3 responses to “January 22: Dear Body…

  1. Meeka "KuppyKake" May says:

    Well I wouldn’t change a thing about you hun but that wouldn’t be fair. We are in this together until you feel as sexy and as remarkable as the way I (and so many others) see you. BUT what I would change about me… My butt!! I want a little more junk in my trunk so my hubby has something to grab onto 🙂 + I want my Kuppykake tat finished. Xxx Lubb Lubb

  2. oh kloi you have no idea how close that came to what i have been thinking lately! i have been keeping a diary of my thought and feelings every day so i can track my eating habits (so far have noticed i feed the kids and me when they get too crazy! i am sitting here thinking hard about what i would say to my body and how i can fix it! thanks beautiful! xoxo

  3. Michelle Rogers says:

    Our mind is a very strong thing, and stronger than our body… It is so true that if we think and feel positive you can keep on fighting and feel better about yourself, but the moment we let those bad thoughts take over we drop very quickly… Several years ago l went through a really bad patch.. Yoga was introduced to me and l was also given a relaxation cd to listen to, which helps to relax the whole body and then some deep thoughts. It was amazing how good l felt after only a few days… Might sound crazy to you and l wasn’t so sure at first but it really works and it’s something you have to have in your life everyday… Find those special things that you love about yourself Kloi-jayd and say them everyday… Don’t look so much at the big picture, take each little step and look at those achievements, give yourself lots of praise every time you make the next step.. Little steps work towards those big goals… I think your a beautiful person Kloi-jayd…

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