Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

February 18: Why are airport toilets a size 12?

on February 18, 2012

The average size of an average woman is a size 16 – True.
All toilets are One Size Fits All – False.

I don’t know about you, but I carry a lot of junk in my trunk and thighs and hips and belly.
I do not enjoy sitting down to christen the porcelain and feeling like a sardine! I don’t enjoy having my tree trunks scrape against the loo-roll holder leaving grazes from the teeth that are out to get me.

I had a woman tell me this morning as we were bonding washing our hands at the hand basins that she moves the feminine hygiene bin so she can be comfortable. I admitted that I, too, perform this bit of sorcery because I am just not made for compact places. Especially compact places where you have to be able to have some movement!

I like to be able to do my biz-ness (as a small child told his mum this morning) in relative ease and comfort – not with my knees around my ears (which can tend to make a wee bit of mess – yeah, I’m hilarious) and feeling as though John West is gonna harpoon me for his next tin of Sardines!

There is nothing worse than being a woman with more to love than when you have to sneak in to the toilet to hitch your stockings up and there is just NO ROOM! You have to turn into a contortionist just to get the evil, gut busting  tights down to adjust them. And if I have high heels on to add to this mix, I would honestly say I would rather poke my eyes out, or less dramatically, leave the stockings collecting dust in my drawer, before I will attempt a cubicle contortion.

Disabled people have the best toilets. You have room to move, room to change, room to do the bum-dance that you need to in order to do your jeans up*.

The bigger people tend to get ignored when it comes to structure of facilities. If I was a 6ft man with a hefty weight under my belt, I would probably be able to look over the stalls to check out my next-cubicle-neighbors junk – while leaving the door open because the stall isn’t big enough to allow room to shut it!

It sort of makes me want to visit a toilet in every airport.  “Let’s see if this airport feeds its toilets Maccas to fatten it up!!!” kind of thing.

I could totally see me, trekking from airport to airport, just to measure the toilet cubicle width. I would totally rock that shiz!

“Excuse me, ma’am. I need to measure this toilet. Kindly do the bum-wriggle into your jeans out in the airport as there is no room in here!”

*I am not condoning the use of disabled toilets if you are not disabled unless you can do it without being busted

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