Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

February 19: Leaving your GrandParents behind.

on February 19, 2012

Dan and I venture to Queensland every 12 months or so – I have family up here including one set of Grandparents, and Dan has his brothers and Dad here. I love QLD, the weather, the life style, the sense of relaxation that you get as soon as you walk off the plane into a wall of water.

Every holiday we have here is accompanied by the same question asked by three different people – “So when are you moving?”
Coming from Dans brother, my grandparents and my auntie.

Every time we head North, the sense of wanting to move grows a little more. Mine has been growing since I was 14 and came to Eagleby for the first time. Since then, it’s been my “run away” home.

Last time we came up here, Dan and I went so far as to check rental prices out. Around where his dad lives there were quite a few that I would have loved. I think if given  the chance we would have gone home, packed up, and then been back within weeks.

However, one thing consistently stops me. Every time.

I am a family person. Yes, they drive me nucking futs some times, but I still would be lost without them. My parents, siblings and friends are all in Albury or within an hours travel from there. But the real crux of the matter is my grandparents.

Neither set are in perfectly good health – and my biggest fear is leaving town, getting settled then receiving a call telling me the worst. I would happily stay in one place as long as they are there. My Nans and Pops are central to my life. Yes, I don’t always see one set, but they’re only around the corner. Who is going to help them with setting up the little things if I am not there? They are my grandparents,I am the oldest grandchild living near them, it is my job to do the things they can’t.

And lets face it, when the silverside pot is on the stove, I can smell it from a mile away.

I would miss everyone else, sure. But they all have at least 50 years left in them for visits, holidays, phone calls, etc. But neither set of my Grandparents does.

How would I cope not having them near me? I’m not worried for them without me, I’m worried for me without them. One set in particular is telling me in no uncertain terms that I cannot live my life for them. How do you tell someone that your being is tied up so closely with their presence? I lived for 18 years away from them, and I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want the tyranny of distance dictating my relationship with four of the most important people in my life!

Once my world is shaken and they are no longer part of it in the physical sense, then maybe I will move. But until then, There is 0 to none chance of me doing it.

Before Nanny died, I travelled to her every second day, rain, hail or shine. That is the only thing that made me feel as though I was doing something right. I couldn’t do that from QLD. At least when I am around the corner, if something goes wrong I can be there in less than 5 minutes.

What would I do if we moved to QLD and then had babies, and they never got to meet the people who have shaped me into the imperfectly right person I am? I wouldn’t be able to live with that – I won’t deny my children the right to meet four people who are amazing.

My grandparents are all amazing people – and if having them near me means I put my dreams of moving on hold till they are no longer around, I will do it.

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One response to “February 19: Leaving your GrandParents behind.

  1. Mum says:

    I love you. xoxoox

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