Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

February 21: Part one of my weight loss struggle

on February 21, 2012

Ive been seeing a dr for about a year now to help my weight loss. So let’s do a back ground on me…

I have not always been this big, despite common beliefs.

As a child I was always skinny, but I honestly do not remember it.
with my cousin Josh

For as long as I can remember, I have had a love affair with food. I love it! The smells, the texture, the taste, the feeling of fullness.

I never had a weight problem till I was about 16 and got the Implanon plant put in my arm. I put on 16kg in four weeks, because of how hungry it made me, combined with how tired. It was the beginning of a near-decade long struggle.

me at 14

at 16, just before I had Implanon

Looking back at pictures, it was the year of my 16th where i started to really feel the skinny pressure. My boyfriend at the time was constantly telling me to lose weight, along with his mother. Between the two of them I would feel ambushed… but their words just turned me toward the fattiest chop on the Barbeque, the biggest glass of Coke, the least amount of Salad.

At 15

Their words honestly just made me feel worse about my self .

It was as if they had given up on me, before I had even started. So where was the point? I felt this right up till I was 18: Why should I bother, when there was yummy food to be eaten, intoxicating and free alcohol to be drunk ,  and plenty of tomorrows to work it off.  And then… I moved out of home. The fat just piled on by the bucket.

I had split with the boyfriend and moved to Albury within 10 months of my 18th. And what did we have here? KFC, Maccas, Red Rooster, Dominos… The endless list of a fast food addict was available a mere 200 metres from where I lived.

I was in a fat chicks heaven!

at 20

It would be many years of self-hatred before I realised that I had to change myself.

My partner and I had gotten together when I was 19 and we are still together today… but unfortunately we were each others worst enemy when it came to food. We were killing each other with out fast food habits.

at 115kg and 22.

I didn’t see the weight creeping on. I honestly couldn’t. I would have a flash of insight, I guess you would call it, every now and then, but I would smother it with a Creamy Ravioli Carbonara with extra Garlic Bread and a triple heap of Parmesan.

22 and my Biggest ever – 133kg and a size 26

I became a child carer, and loved my job, for the most part. My favorite part was the Kiewa coffee Milks I could buy for cost price at any time throughout the day.

I couldn’t play with the kids, I was plagued with health problems and back and knee problems. I was not the carer I wished to be.  It was about this time that Daniel bought me a pair of size 26-28 knickers as a joke. I tried them on, thinking it would be hilarious.

They fit me. Perfectly.

133kg. That dress was a 26-28.

It was the most horrible, embarrassing, humiliating and soul-tearing thing I have EVER had happen to me.

I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours.

The next day, Dan came home with a wii and wiifit for me. He knew I wanted one to start moving again.

I set it up and did my first weigh-in.

I was 125 kilograms. I was huge.

I was fat, unfit, and smoking a pack a day. It was no wonder my body was giving out on me.

We tried a diet called “body trim” at this stage. It made us both so ill we were scared off diets for about six months. I lost my job in child care and went back to Dominos F/T. Hello, pizza, when ever I want you.

Then I did an impromptu weigh in… and the scales knocked me over. I didn’t eat for days.I was 167cm tall. And I had hit 133kgs. I was morbidly obese and dead within ten years. I had hit rock bottom.

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