Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

February 15: Ghosties, Ghoulies, and Wee Little Beasties… And Things That go Bump In The Night.

on February 26, 2012

There are two things about me you should know:
– My favorite show is “Supernatural.”
– My imagination is awesome… too awesome…

Im going to set you a scene.

Its 10.00PM at night, on a well travelled but, at this time, deserted Highway. Chugging up a hill at 7oKMH and watching her temperature gauge rise… and fall… and then rise and stay up there, is a woman who is hearing her car wheezing to its final shudder. Slamming her hand on the steering wheel in frustration at this event, the woman thinks back on the last 50KM’s done at 70KMH because her car wouldn’t go any faster without the gauge going into the red zone. After cursing loudly, the woman calls her partner and then her brother. They set out to save her.

But in the mean time, the woman is locked in a dark car, with the windows up, and the doors locked in the middle of no where. She cannot have her lights on, because to drain the battery would just make the situation worse. She is sitting like a duck, with the space only illuminated by the infrequent trucks that shake the car as they zoom on past. Oh yeah, this woman? She’s scared of the dark.

Now this woman has plenty of time to sit and reflect on her day. The shittiness of it is now absurd and she starts to laugh hysterically at the situation she has found herself in. She thinks about her favorite TV show: Supernatural. She begins to remember some of her favorite episodes that were watched in the safe confines of her bedroom.  She wonders, “What would Sam and Dean do in this situation” and giggles at the sheer lunacy, because they would only be there if they were… hunting.

The woman then freaks out. She checks all the door locks, then turns the rear view mirror so its facing the roof and she can’t see in it. The woman sits there remembering one episode in particular, where in a situation that is eerily reminiscent of the one she is now in, a scarecrow that comes alive. With a sickle. And single girls on the side of the road are never seen again. Their cars are discovered with matted hair in the windows… blood on the seats… maybe a little grey matter left on the carpet.

She is fixated on the road in front of her, looking for the phantom things that are ready to kill her. A loud rustle at the side of the road makes her jump, and she peers through the darkness. Then a dark, furry mass jumps out in front of the car – and the woman, with her heart in her throat thinking “omigodiknewallthatshitwasreal” screams for all shes worth. She does it well, too… her throat is raspy is the next day. But the mass moves on, over the road, jumping and bounding like all things do. You know, like all Kangaroos do.

The woman starts freaking out like you wouldn’t believe. She decides to sing really loudly to herself. That’s what all those powerful black women do in movies, right?
So she starts belting out “IT’S THE – EYE OF THE TIGER!!! IT’S THE KING OF THE FIGHT, RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIIIIIVAL!!!”
Oh, yeah! That’s what she needed. She felt strong, and powerful, and remembered how Dean, her hero in her favorite show, did it to cheer himself up. What episode was that in? Oh that’s right. One that starts with a woman on the side of the road. At night. Alone. In a little hatchback….

By this stage, the woman is wearing an awesome out fit of Hysteria. Gee, it looks great on her. She wears it like she was made for it. She calls the one person who she knows will let her be all hysterical. Dum, da-da dum! StepMother to the rescue! But the phone rings out. The woman leans her head against the head rest, and shuts her eyes for a second. Until she remembers that she wants to see the weird things coming for her.

All of a sudden, Warrants “Cherry Pie” screams from her mobile phone, making her jump so high that she gets air from the car seat. The name “Caro-Mumma” flashes on the screen. With a sigh of relief, the woman answers the phone. In one breath, she blurts out “I’m stuck out near the Logic centre, my car is dead, I am freaking out, and do the Karma gods not realise that this is EXACTLY HOW SUPERNATURAL EPISODES START?!?!?!”

A giggle on the other end tells the woman that “Caro-Mumma” is enjoying this conversation. A lot. Telling her about the shitty day she had, the woman begins to unleash all her crazy over the phone. “And then this… and then this… and then this… and just- just- just- FML!!!” While keeping an eagle eye out for her partner, the woman lets loose and is imagining all the things that happens on Supernatural happening to her, while Caro-Mumma is just laughing on the other end. The woman realises that tomorrow, this is going to be a hilarious story. But right now, it was not cool!

Before the woman realises she has said it, the sound of “OMGISEEHISCARIAMSAVEDYES!” shrieks down the phoneline. The woman has never been so happy to see a red commodore in her life; and she realises that she is saved. No Supernatural beasties are gonna get there, because her knight in shining armour has charged up and would save her. And then she sees the car drive right past her. With her heart sinking in her toes, she doesn’t feel as though this is going to work out. She begins freaking out again, and hangs up from Caro-Mumma in order to call her partner back.

As she goes to dial, she sees a car pull up behind her. She sits her head back, says “I had a good life.” and accepts her fate. She is going to become a statistic, a missing body, and her family is going to be one crazy person less. Turning her head to watch through the window, she decides to man up and greet her death with open eyes, a strong back bone, and a hell of a fight. Then she realises, who the eff is she kidding? She’s gonna grovel and beg for her life.

A man starts walking toward her window and she squares her shoulders. This is it. She sends love out to everybody in her family.

The woman then hears the most beautiful sound in the world.

In the voice which she has listened to every day for years, she hears four words that make her realise that nothing from Supernatural was going to get her tonight.
“How you doin’, Babe?”

“OH THANK F**K YOU’RE HERE!”

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3 responses to “February 15: Ghosties, Ghoulies, and Wee Little Beasties… And Things That go Bump In The Night.

  1. Mum says:

    Now that’s entertainment!!!

  2. Kloi-Jayd says:

    glad you liked it. I was pooping my panties!

  3. You have a strange little cornflake shaped thingy between your ears Gertie – it’s a scary thing 😉

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