This afternoon as I was sitting on my back side, I got the sudden urge to be all Susie-Homemaker.
I rock at this house wife shiz.
I do a quick inventory, and look up a quick and easy recipe on my old friend, Google. I read on and discover that by some sort of coinkydink, I have all the ingredients needed. GO ME! So I set up my little workbench. Martha Stewart, come at me bro. You haven’t got a thing on me! My Meatloaf is going to be the Buh-OMB!
Step one : combine grated carrot, small onion and bread crumbs in a bowl with the meat. Mix well with your hands.
Here is where I hit my first little hurdle. Am I meant to be cutting, slicing, dicing or what with this onion? I toyed with the idea of just chucking the whole onion in, but decided that would be pushing the boundaries, just a wee little bit. Even if that is what the recipe said.
So my delicious culinary skills kick in. I’m gonna grate this onion like a pro. Yes?
Turns out… No. It went mushy and all I got out of my onion was maybe 1/2 a teaspoon of onion mush and a little bit of juice.
At this stage I am still trusting Lord Google with my meat loaf. Maybe, I did it wrong. This is me, so it’s quite possible.
After a perusal of my fridge, I decide to throw in some capsicum for some colouration. I love me some colour!
Keeping with the theme of things, I grate that bad boy. Only to have the same result as the onion. By this stage I have cracked the poops well and truly, and dice up the rest of it. The capsicum will not beat me, even if I am not doing the recipe by the book, so to speak.
After mixing and mixing and getting all gooey-fied, I form the mush into some semblance of a rectangle that is in no way the shape it should be, and put it in the oven. I decide to be all creative and not wrap it in tin foil to keep the shape.
After all, I discover we don’t have any and I can’t be bothered to go to Coles and get more. anyway.
I put it in the oven, feeling accomplished and only the teeniest bit frazzled. Kitchen and cookery skills with nary a microwave in sight, You have received an A+!
And then, another mild disaster hits.
I open up the oven to check on my
hunk of globulated meat masterpiece and have smoke coming out. Well, coming out is not right. Perhaps Billowing? Spewing Forth? Flooding my kitchen? They all seem a bit more correct.
Anyway, I start to panic and look at my big sister with eyes that screamed “holyshitrebbeccapleasesavemydinnerwhattheeffdoidonow?!”
She looks back at me with eyes that say “ummmmmm…”
With a bit of team work we have the oven de-smoked, identify the problem (My cleverness had left the pan sitting on the bottom of my oven – and in my new oven, that is where the element sits. Why do engineers have to change what is already working? Bastards.) and get the meat cooking away again, merrily bubbling and spitting.
After three checks of the meat over an hour and a half period, with each of them finding that freakin’ meat still pink inside, I start to get a little concerned. Between Mel and I, I have my sister and nephew, as well as my brother and his girlfriend coming out. The veggies are ready, but the meat is not. What am I going to do? Gee, Gert, I don’t know. How about checking the meat that isn’t the bacon in it?
Yes, I had been somehow managing to glimpse bacon every time I checked the meat loaf. The meat that stays pink! (Cue facepalm here. I was rather annoyed with myself at this stage.)
Oh and by the way. The meat loaf was delicious, but there are changes I will make next time.
It was juicy and soft and meaty (well duh). And it looked nothing like this:
It looked more like this:
Just out of the tin.