The age old question: can men and women be “real” friends?
In a nutshell: Yes.
Now bear in mind that this blog is from a female perspective. My lack of doodle denies me the right to do it from a mans.
I feel, that in order for men and women to have a “real” friendship, you have to be a “woman’s woman” as opposed to a “mans woman”
Now, I don’t mean every woman has to be a lesbian in order to achieve the cross-sex friendship. I mean, you have to be the type of woman that blokes girlfriends know that you won’t cross that invisible, and some times murky, line that borders friendship and relationship.
I personally don’t have a lot of male friends. My two main male friends are ones with whom I hug, laugh, joke, get a kiss on the cheek when I’m leaving, and turn to when life is sucky.
Ash, who I have been friends with since grade 5 (so approximately 9/10 years old) is some one that I used to “go out with”, in the way that most 6th graders do. If anything, this has made us closer, because we have stayed firm friends through out all of lifes shittiness, and still to this day hang out with. I also have a great friendship with his girlfriend, and it is not uncommon for us to be all at Ash’s place having a grand old time.
Joel, who I met through work, is another one of my best friends. He is the one who I know will always have my back, and who always makes me feel better about myself. Yes, Joel is gay, so He and I have a different relationship to that of Ash and I. Joel and I can walk around holding hands and know, unequivocally, that nothing will ever come of it.
I think one of the things that helps me is that Ash’s girlfriend knows that there is no way either of us would ever cross that line. Aside from us both being in happy relationships, his girlfriend knows that I am not like that, I do not “poach” other peoples boyfriends, and if anything were to come of it that I would say “no” before anything else. (This is not to say that Ash would say “yes”, it is just an example of how I am a “woman’s woman”)
People tend to fret over the sexual chemistry that tends to happen between two red-blooded heterosexual companions when they spend a lot of time together. But for some people, they seem to forget that this is NOT always the case. Two people of the opposite sex can be great friends, and spend every single day together, without it becoming awkward due to sexual tension.
Obviously, there are some “given” exceptions to M/F friends: ‘off limit friends’ such as friends’ partners and work colleagues. They apparently don’t count and you can be friends with them, quite easily.
Both sexes benefit from having an opposite for a friend, I believe. I have someone who I can go to about “man problems” and they have someone they can go to about “girl/man problems”.
However, I do not deny that sometimes a friendship does bubble over into a relationship. But have you noticed that these ones generally work out for the better (generally being the operative word) because they have gotten to know each other in a platonic sense, before moving into a romantical one?
And then you have ones that don’t work out, because they are better off as friends.
One of they key ingredients to having a great opposite sex friend is a partner who accepts that yes, that person is part of your life, yes, they do have a doodle or a bajingo, but no, it will not go any further.
I love having my male friends. They remove from the world of vagina for a little while, and also have a different view on life, which is refreshing.
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
How does your partner handle it?