In every family, there are grudges. Some are over little things, some are over big things, and some just shouldn’t even be an issue.
I’m not above it either: there is a family member who is in my immediate family whom I haven’t spoken to since October.
Grudges happen for a variety of reasons. It can be jealousy, meaness, words said that can never be taken back; it can be a difference of opinions or it can be over who got a better Christmas Present.
It’s how you deal with it that makes or breaks the family.
I know in my instance, it was easier for me just to wipe my hands of this person, and realise that her thoughts and opinions don’t influence me or my future kids lives, so I can live without them. That is not to say that I don’t miss her, or her baby, because sometimes I do. I just acknowledge that her and I will never be friends, we will never get along like a house on fire, and we won’t be close. And that is perfectly fine. At the end of of the day I will always love her and her babies, but we are just not able to communicate.
For some people, they manage to put aside their grudges and co-exist fairly harmoniously for the sake of other family members. I will be honest at this point and say that I wished I had this fabulous gift. In some aspects I can, but a lot of the time I just cannot hold my
inner bitch tongue.
I know several people who have grudges against me but haven’t as yet told me why, and again, I am OK with this. If a person can’t even tell me what it is that I have done wrong, then obviously I don’t need them or their input into my life. I do find it sad within a family structure, but hey, life sucks! And if it didn’t, we would all fall off.
I am very lucky in that within my immediate family, everyone is aware of why someone else isn’t talking to them. There isn’t a lot of room within either side of my family for back-door politics; we are all very outspoken, and have no qualms in pointing out who is pissing us off and how they are doing it. We are also very good and hurling back whatever reasons have come to us (in my family, we are all perfect… ya get me?).
Grudges can provide an awful lot of entertainment within a family unit as well. There is nothing like sitting around a Christmas Dinner table, and going for Gold on a family who can’t look any body straight in the eye… to us, it is a very Worthy subject. And she knows we all think of it, and talk of it, because everyone of us has told her straight to her face. (That’s another thing I like about my family and its grudges – we all only say what we have already said to the person about it!)
I guess, at the end of the day, the big thing is making sure that your grudges don’t affect the people around you. I know for one person in particular, she and I will be perfectly nice to each other for the sake of our Grandmother even though we barely speak and have very little to do with each other nowadays.
And you always need to remember, that grudges can be resolved. One day, your person whom you are grudging against will be dead – and then it may be too late.