Do you remember, way at the start of the blog, where I told you all I am notorious for changing my ever muddled up mind, and having a hard time sticking to something?
If so, you should not be surprised that it has happened… once again.
First of all, I’m going to hi-five myself on sticking with this blog for three whole months. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time, but for a flibberty-gibbet like me, that is freakin’ eternity!
So, back to the mind change.
I started this blog in an effort to prove to myself that I can stick with something for a whole year. I’m a 1/4 of the way there! Can I get a Hell Yeah!!! (Totally imagined you all doing it back to me…) I’m might proud of me for doing it – even when I have had to drag my sorry ass to the laptop and find something to blog about… even if it is nothing. But I have and I did, and as such we are sitting on our 90th blog and I’m pretty dang impressed.
Why did I feel the need to prove to myself that I could do this for 365 days? Because I wanted to be a midwife.
Here comes the problem – which I am sure many of you can already see.
I do still have a want to do my midwifery, very much so. But the sheer pleasure I get in the written word has become so much of a comfort to me, and something I look forward to every day that I am wondering if perhaps my path lies intertwined with writing.
I love knowing that there are people out there who have never seen me, or know me, but read my blog out of an unadulterated want to. It makes me get the warm and fuzzies to know that someone in another country on the other side of the world is reading the epistles that I shake out of my head and actually enjoying them.
I have to admit that when I first dreamed up The Ringless Wife, I fully expected my only readers to be my mother and my best friend. Now, I get people stopping me to say “Hey, I read your blog. I love it, and I read it every night!” and I honestly don’t know what to say. How do you express gratitude about something that is such a large part of my life now?
This blog has had some of my deepest fears and darkest thoughts written onto it’s pink pages. Something that took more guts than I thought I had but I did it, and now, look where I am.
The bit I am struggling the most with is that I started this blog in order to take a certain road through my life; one that I knew was going to be hard work but also gratifying. And now, it appears, my Ramblings have taken me on an off track journey through this plan I had carved out so beautifully in my head.
So where to from here? Who knows. In ten years it could be me at your vajajay that you’re screaming at for more Pitocin… or it could be me, smiling out at you from a book jacket, that sits on a bookshelf in a room in your house.