As you may have noticed, there was no blog last night. I would like to thank the people who emailed me asking where it was; it’s nice to know that it’s not just my mum who reads!
When I blog, it tends to be a channel that I pourinto what ever my main feeling for the day was. Yesterday, I had a day where I honestly felt like I couldn’t go much further on. I started the day with a conversation to my lawyer, then to my union, then back to my lawer – and none of these phonecalls were of a positive nature.
The day just got progressively worse and by 4PM I was in such a funk that I may have been able to write a suicide-assist blog – which I am sure none of you need or want to read.
I had the opportunity to blog last night, but to be honest, I recognised that I was in no fit state of mind to write something that any amount of people may read. Just because I was miserable didn’t mean I had to write something that may have brought down someone elses mood.
Ask any blogger: The mood you are in reflects directly on to the piece you write. If you are cranky, you write a blog that is just pure vitriol. If you are happy, you write about sun shine and daisies and being awesome. If you are sad, you write about things that are too close to your heart and you end up bringing someone else down.
I have no right to do that to anyone.
I am currently in one of the most difficult fights of my life, and some days it is a physical struggle to muster up enough cheer and smiles to write a blog that will make people smile or laugh. How can you write about an emotion or for an emotion when it is so far from your mind at the moment? You can’t. Your true emotions end up showing through and impacting.
Recognising that last night was not blog-able was a big step for me. It was learning to contain what I was thinking and feeling instead of spewing it out in a massive case of fat-chick-crazy.