Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 14: Being a Super Awesome god mother… and a sucky balloon artist.

on May 14, 2012

I am one very fortunate woman, in that I have three god children – two are yet to be made official (I’m not looking forward to wearing a dress…) and one has been my god-daughter since she was born.

Unfortunately, seeing my eldest one, Courtney-Jay, is severely hampered by the 1500km distance between us. When she lived a few hours away I was seeing her every month. Now, it’s years. But I digress.

Kai and Kayla, my other two god-babies, are having their pirate and mermaid themed birthday party at the end of the month. Tamika and I have made some awesome invitations and have been scouting out costumes, in preparation for this shin-dig of oceanic proportions.

Then, on a shopping expedition, Meeka and I came across a cheap balloon pack with “Simple, Easy-To-Make instructions! Become a World Class Balloon Artist TODAY!” emblazoned across the front. Looking back, the sight of a foreign language on the rear of the packaging should have told me it would not be that easy.

Being the super awesome god mother that I am, I decided to give it a go. I only had to make swords. It would be easy and chips, right? (Insert big Mwah-Ha-Ha-Ha)

I am sure I am not alone in recognising that this resembles more of a Pork Sword than a Pirate Sword.

And this one looks like a giraffe/dog/loch ness monster…

And this one just looks like a – well, I don’t even know. I know it’s not a sword though.

So I did what any self respecting person do, who has balloon pieces all over their lounge and limited circulation in their fingers from tying up a billion balloons… or 25, at least.

I youtubed it. I youtubed the shit out of it.

Enter Malik The Magic Guy:

Now, I’m just saying, this guy is awesome. Not awesome enough to make me want to spend all day with balloons, but he did leave me with some knowledge, albeit fairly sketchy knowledge, as I was having t o pause every time I made a new loop.

So I toddled off and bought another pack of 25 (We found the pack including the sta-upid instructions, balloon pump and 25 balloons for $2.00 at our cannery) and I sat down to try:

and try:

and continue trying and saying f**k a lot till I couldn’t feel the end of my fingers and I was considering inhaling a balloon just to end the torture. FYI, if you ever need to torture anyone, this is seriously the way to go. After 10 balloons popped in their faces, whoever you are torturing will be screaming out whatever it is you want to know. Wirh Bonus information.

I set myself up with my balloons, the pump that is seriously inadequate and a vague sense of how to complete my mission. I had Full House on so I wasn’t going bat shit crazy, and setteled in for what I knew was going to be a hair pulling experience.

But, in the end, after 13 balloons popped, a few more pork swords and couple more of “I have no idea what that shape even is”, my objective was completed:

I had 15 objects, vaguely resembling swords. All very plain, but by this stage, I just couldn’t have given a flying rats fat butt.


One response to “May 14: Being a Super Awesome god mother… and a sucky balloon artist.

  1. Mum says:


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