Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 27: Will all the real bullies please stand up? Coz I need to clothesline you all!

on May 29, 2012

This is a post that I was trying to avoid doing. It is something that makes me rage beyond belief and we all know how my posts get when I’m a-ragin’.

I was bullied from grade Prep, right through to Year 12. I copped it in employment. It seems I am unable to escape the people who don’t get the message that being a douche-bag is not an admirable quality!

I am 25 years old, and finished high school in 2004. Yes, eight years ago. I am still living with the damage and scars that school-yard bullies did to me.

I am paranoid about sending my children to school, I am scared for what they may go through, I am scared that they are going to end up adults with issues that have been caused in Primary school that won’t go away.

The excuse “A bully is only unhappy” is bull shit! Do you hear me, el excuse makers? BULLSHIT!!! There is no reason for you to bring another person down and make their lives miserable, even if yours is!

I was told once, that the reason a particular person was horrible to me was because her parents never wanted her. I should be understanding and accept that her life is not very happy. Apparently, this gave the person the right to abuse me, mentally, physically, and do all she could to screw up my schooling life.

I was threatened with school equipment, I had chisels thrown at me, paint thrown on me and lacrosse sticks aimed at my head. When I eventually fought back, it was me who got in trouble for it, because I should have ignored it. Do you know how hard it is to ignore something that happens every day for four years? It is impossible.

I became the aggressive and depressed kid that is a stereotype for high school massacres – I dragged my ass to a hell hold every day and resented my peers, my teachers, my school and myself more and more every day. I became sullen and unhappy, and a change in school just exacerbated  the issues. Apparently, going to school in a rival town made me easy fodder.

Mediation is bullshit – all it does is appease a teachers conscience and leaves the bullied open for more intimidation and humiliation – but this time, you get others in on it because the bully will be twice as pissed. I remember having to go to mediation, and I came out to worse and more horrid abuse.

A schools “zero-tolerance policy” is bullshit as well – That is not how it is, no matter what you are told. My school should have changed it to “we have a zero-tolerance policy unless your parents are influential and give lots of money and are friends with the teachers outside of school.”

Nothing is going to change until people realise that being a bully is not “cool” or accepted. Until the Anti-Bullying policies are enforced and not just written We are going to live in a world where bullies will always win.

Until people like me, people who are and were bullied, stand up and refuse to be treated like the we are and were, nothing will change. It’s time for people to listen to the bullied, instead of the bullies. It’s time for people to give power to the bullied and not the bullies.

It’s time for change!!!

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4 responses to “May 27: Will all the real bullies please stand up? Coz I need to clothesline you all!

  1. Johnson says:

    Labeling someone as a bully and handing them out harsh consequences as you allude to won’t stop bullying behaviour unfortunately. Bullying is not a black and white issue. The bullying triangle for example is made up of the bully, the target and the bystander/rescuer. When the bystander/rescuer stands up to help the target, the rescuer becomes the new bully, the bully becomes the new target and the target becomes the new bystander. We all have a bully, target and rescuer in us. In the tapestry of life we will fulfill all of these roles at some point or another. Especially in school and at work.

    It becomes an issue when an individual labels themselves as a target only, or a bully only, or a bystander only. People who view themselves as a target only for example, feel they have a right to bully to even the score as such. It is their lack of self-esteem from a variety of sources that allows this thought, not solely the bullying they went through. People with low-self esteem often protect their insecurities by being aggressive, close minded and judgemental. They in turn bully anyone who they feel are not capable of being bullied, especially people they believe have never been bullied. This is often a warped thinking pattern categorised by rage or jealousy. It is a horrible cycle that is not a clear cut one.

    Bullied persons with the drive to build self-esteem on the other hand mend their own wounds and dont view themselves solely only a target. I understand this is hard to do when you are in the process of being bullied, but people with high self-esteem TO START WITH would view the behaviour as a fault on the behalf of the bully and shrug it off, as they understand themselves and the ‘bully’ as a person with the capabilities to be a bully, target and bystander.

    This is unlike people with low self-esteem where they believe on some level they deserve the bullying. It sounds like your experience was extreme and perhaps you should receive counselling so you live without the anger thats consumed you. Talking and acting using this anger just means you’re being a bully to the bullies…. and what does that make you? Thats right, a bully. I see posts on your facebook page about bully’s needing to be shot. How can you be truly be an advocate for anti-bullying when your going on with that sort of slap.
    Perhaps you need to reassess.

    • Kloi-Jayd says:

      Hi, and thanks for reading.

      First of all (I’m assuming I actually know you, since you’re misquoting my FaceBook page) It wasn’t me who said that “Bullies Need To Be Shot,” That was somebody else and her statement was concurred with by another third party. The statement that I believe you’re quoting was merely “I HATE BULLIES.”

      Your comment “Talking and acting using this anger just means you’re being a bully to the bullies…. and what does that make you? Thats right, a bully.” is what I believe to be a major issue – when the bullied stand up for themselves, they get labeled the bullies or the nasty ones; the fact that they are taking stand or defending themselves seems to get swept under the rug, so to speak.

      You ask “How can you be truly be an advocate for anti-bullying when your going on with that sort of slap.” Well, quite easily. By trying to remove the “victim” mentality that I have had since 1992 and instead taking the “What happened to me is NOT right” stand. Yes, I have a lot of anger – A LOT – because I am still trying to deal with it, I am channeling that anger into trying to change things, rather than letting it consume me.

      Your comment “Bullied persons with the drive to build self-esteem on the other hand mend their own wounds and dont view themselves solely only a target. I understand this is hard to do when you are in the process of being bullied, but people with high self-esteem TO START WITH would view the behaviour as a fault on the behalf of the bully and shrug it off, as they understand themselves and the ‘bully’ as a person with the capabilities to be a bully, target and bystander.” is essentially what I believe is wrong – how can someone have a self esteem which is strong enough to heal old wounds if they have been continually stripped of it? How can someone feel and think they are strong enough if they have constantly been made to feel worthless of anything more than being bullied?

      You have written “People with low-self esteem often protect their insecurities by being aggressive, close minded and judgemental. They in turn bully anyone who they feel are not capable of being bullied, especially people they believe have never been bullied.” Does this mean that we have to just accept whatever bullying comes our way, because the bullies are unhappy? This is exactly what I am fighting against! There is NO excuse for being a bully, regardless of what you feel and what you try to push on to other people?

      As for the statement that the rescuer becomes the bully – this may or may not be the case. By your reckoning, does this mean that the people who are bullies should be let go because they would have to be bullied to realise what they have to come to, and that’s not acceptable because the bully is getting bullied? I am not saying you’re wrong, yes, it is a cycle, but the rescuer isn’t doing it for “kicks”, they’re doing it in an attempt to BREAK the cycle! We live in a world where if you do something wrong, you get punished. That is completely different to bullying.

      I look forward to reading your response, Johnson.

      Kloi-Jayd

  2. mum says:

    Grade Prep was a good year, as far as I recall the bullying started in about grade 3, who was before then?
    I am lost here and feeling like I didn’t know things and you know how that gets me going!
    xo

    • Kloi-Jayd says:

      grade prep was ok, in that Mrs Monster tried to keep in under control. one of my first memories is of her talking to one of the boys about it.
      grade one was when the girls started in on it too.
      grade two was when “germalator” started and Karen and I became friends because she defended me

      you didnt know it because you were sick then and i tried to hide as much as i could. Its why I LOVED going to school in lavington and hated going back to MPS

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