Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

June 12: Being Ladylike.

on June 12, 2012

Every now and then, I am reminded in no uncertain terms that a womans place is over the stove, with impeccably coiffed hair, red lippie, a strand of pearls and smile from ear to ear. Every now and then, I refute this belief with a well placed “Get f*cked.”

It seems that being in ownership of a taco means you have to be subservient, seen but not heard, submissive, quiet, charming and a dab hand at ironing. I am none of these.

“A womans place is in the kitchen!”
Not unless it’s your head in the pot and I’m systematically placing pieces of you down the garbage disposal.

“You are a woman, you can’t play poker.”
I see your asshat attitude, and raise you with my “Then why did I just bust you out?”

“You should be at home, cooking Daniel dinner.”
Why do that when he cooks better than me anyway?

“Tch, young women these days. I wouldn’t have let you leave the house if you were my wife.”
That’s probably why your wife left you.

Apparently, The ownership of the needed items to pull off a camel toe makes for a baby-oven with not much else to live for, other than to spit shine her husbands shoes and massage his poor, tired feet. Look, I’m sorry, men of the world, but I have smelt Daniel’s feet after work, and I’m going no where near that shiz.

We live in a world where the men are still, to some degree, classed as an “upper” being, and women are still at home, doing the happy-i-want-to-shoot-myself-but-heres-a-five-course-dinner thing. If there are women out there like this, I salute you. But please do not assume that just because there are women out there who aren’t slaves to the hubby’s whims, we don’t love them just as much.

I worked with a bloke once, he ate curry and was a strict vegetarian. I was his superior in the workplace, and it didn’t go down too well.

“Can you count? You are a woman.”
No, I did 15 years of schooling, and never picked up the skill. Freaky, huh?

“Tch Tch Tch, my wife would never dream of speaking like that – she will be lady like.”
Bullshiiiit! Your wife doesn’t say the eff word? Bloody hell! Ya shitting me? She’ll be lady like? Man, I bet Dan wishes he could find one of those.

The day he asked me if I was allowed to speak to men, because it should be against my husbands wishes, I was blown away. Apparently, it was also un-lady like to speak to men whom I had known my entire life and got excited when they walked through the door. Needless to say, the sound of “Tch Tch Tch” had me ready to make him pee all lady like.

I own a bajingo and I’m about as lady like as a T-rex who can’t scratch his balls. I can’t cook anything above mac and cheese. I can’t do hospital corners on a bed.

You know what? I’m pretty sure I’m a man.


9 responses to “June 12: Being Ladylike.

  1. Mum says:

    Giggles aplenty.
    I am pretty sure you are mine!!!

  2. Love your post!
    I think a lot of this type of belief that a woman is supposed to be a certain way is covered in “religion” & “culture” as some sort of brain washing from “MAN” & I do mean man as in men not as in all humans. Just my opinion.

    • Kloi-Jayd says:

      Hi sugarplum.

      I think that it was a culture instigated back in the archaic ages of around 500BC when the selling of females for marriage was still legal.
      I don’t think it is something instigated by all men (I have a lovely hubby who is as modern as they come – except for marriage lol) but I do believe that a little more push could help. We are now, luckily, in somewhat of a society that accepts women as equals but there are still some cultures and beliefs around that centre on the subservience of women.


  3. Angbrennil says:

    My Ex MIL told me that the reason my ex cheated was because I wasn’t doing my job properly. I asked her to “Please Explain” and she tole me that even if it is 2am and Ex FIL wants a bit that she just rolls over and lets him… oh and keeping house a little better wouldn’t hurt.

    My reply was “My mother didn’t bring me up to be a House-keeping whore, she bought me up to be a woman that doesn’t take S&^% from a man” and as for the kitchen… I love it, I’m good at it but to the male species… Make your own goddam sandwich, I’m busy playing the Xbox!

    Love your blogisdom (blog wisdom)

  4. Beth says:

    Have to disagree over definitions here, what you’re describing as ladylike I would describe as doormat! To me being ladylike is being gracious, kind, and yes I would say selfless but not to men, because you see them as your betters, to everyone, because you’re concerned over their comfort more than your own. And I would argue that you are all of these things, especially when people turn up at your doorstep needing help, as you’ve written about before. Feminist and ladylike are not opposing terms.

    • Kloi-Jayd says:

      Hmmm, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I think I was pertaining more to the 1950’s versions of being lady like, when I should have been more modern. What do you think?

      • Beth says:

        Yes its a 1950s view of all women, but there are still a lot of chauvinists around today who think that’s what women should be like. Feminism simply means that you believe women should be equal to men. Who wouldn’t want that? Yet so many people seem very opposed to it, I guess cos in some respects feminists have swung the pendulum too far, and tried to make women equal (or more equal) and the same as men. There are differences between genders, but all humans should be viewed as equal.

      • Kloi-Jayd says:

        That’s what I was trying to get across: no one gender is better than another. We live in a society that values everyone, and I get frustrated when men talk down to me because I don’t have a doodle.

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