Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

June 13: A chocolatey problem…

on June 13, 2012

Before I get too far ahead, I need to reiterate something, and I’m going to do it in big bold letters.

Ok, disclaimer finished.

Tonight is State of Origin which means I am home alone till ten o’clock or so. I decided  to use this time to get a start on the catering for my adult party this weekend. (Note: Mum, are you coming to this? I need to get my stories straight for the party, is all. ) No, by adult party I don’t mean a sophisticated get together of tea and scones. I mean (and make sure you pick up the infliction here) an adult party.

Anyway, I decided I would do my specialty: cupcakes. But how would I turn these from an innocent food into a food of the debauched kind? I looked through my ingredient cupboard and my eyes alighted on chocolate. I knew what I was going to do! CHOCOLATE DOODLES!!!

I sent out a request on FB for people who were willing to help me – read, talk to me while I did it to prevent my Agent Orange from acting up and making me scoff the chocolate. I had an offer from a two year old, but I don’t think she was serious.

I got my Betty Crocker on and started to melt the chocolate. I was all gung ho, had my piping bag ready and my chocolate was melting and smelled all… burnt. Yep, you guessed it: Two steps in and I had screwed the proverbial doodle.

I had heated the chocolate up too much, and it had burnt. Instead of being the delightful syrup it should have been, I was left with a gluggy, albeit tasty, mess. No matter. I would try again.

I thought about what to do to make this work for me – to waste more chocolate would have been akin to murder (are you all Hell Yeahing with me ladies?) and I didn’t want to do it. So I decided to put some oil in with the chocolate buttons. Why? I’m not sure, it just seemed logical that the chocolate wouldn’t burn then.

I would like to say, at this point, that I deserve a high five!

Oh yeahhhhhhhh. It had worked. Go me! I gained a point for all women who suck at cooking.

I then poured the syrup in to my piping bag that had only had the very tip cut off it. I pushed up my sleeves, and go to work. I was doodling and booby-ing all over the place – and then realised that the chocolate just wasn’t freaking doing what I freaking told it to!

Some held their shape, some looked like love hearts (a little apt, no?) and some looked like… well, I don’t know what they looked like but it wasn’t the doodles I had envisioned. As my uncle so eloquently put it, it looks as though the Easter rabbit has … ahem… exploded all over the place.

I put the pic up on FB to show the world that I had failed, but I would find away to do something. Then, I get a message saying that my local sex shop (Club X – which has awesome staff, by the way) had doodle molds that I could use. Well, I was on a mission. I got to the shop and found exactly what I was after, and for a mere 6.95! I was thrilled.

I got them home and sprayed them with oil, then remelted the chocolate and hoped for the miracle that it would melt smoothly again. I watched the chocolate with as much dedication as when a dingo stalks a baby (What? Too soon?) . I was not taking my eye off the prize and the fact that my phone rang was not important!

After several minutes of careful stalking, my chocolate was ready to be poured into the molds.

Into the fridge they went, praying with all their balls that it had worked. I dutifully waited the twenty minutes till I knew they would be set hard… tee hee, hard and doodles… I crack my R-rated self up.

And then – are you ready for this?


So – the lessons I have learnt from this experience are:

  • No matter how hard you try, if you attempt to pipe doodles using chocolate, it won’t work
  • This is how chocolate bunnies are made at Easter
  • Never under-estimate what you may find at a sex shop!

7 responses to “June 13: A chocolatey problem…

  1. Jaen Wirefly says:

    This is so weird but it cracks me up. 😉

  2. Angbrennil says:

    You make me giggle all the time.

  3. This pst made my night!!! I REALLY needed a luagh and you never fail to provide! and the first ones werent that bad…more natural? isnt every guy a different shape and size, some even crooked 😉

  4. Beth says:


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