I have decided that security guards must have the worst job in the world – or if not the worst, the second worst after the poor schmucks who have to clean out tampon-blocked sewerage lines.
When I go down to my local Coles, it’s usually late(ish) at night – Dan finishes work between 10 and 12, so it’s generally in those times. There is always a security guard on stand by, watching every person who walks in and out with an eagle eye. Even when Mr. Cranky Pants security guard is on, I smile and say “Have a nice night” or some variation. I get nothing in return, but hey. I’m not an asshole.
So, I give you: Why I smile at security guards.
#1 – Their job sucks. Really. Aside from having to stare at TimTams that are on special, they don’t get to do much movement. They stand and make sure the staff are safe. I have trouble standing in one spot for more than 30 seconds, yet these people do it for hours.
#2 – They have to deal with turds who feel that a five finger discount is acceptable. And they’re bound by all sorts of legal requirements which means they can’t just bitch slap the people who do this. Personally, I’m all for a five fingered bitch slap, but these people show restraint. High Five!
#3 – They have to put up with a whole lotta bullshit. They get called “Rent-a-cop”, jeered for being “only” a security guard, have to cop abuse and flak when they bust someone in the above position. At airports, they have to pick random people and get accused of being racist bullies.
#4 – They have to stand around in the heat, in the cold, in the rain and any other stupid weather you can think of. I nearly melt in the Summer, and in Winter I am a tooth-chattering sook. No way in Hell could I do it!
#5 – The second most important reason – Sometimes, these people with ninja-like reflexes carry guns. I don’t know about you, but there is no way I would consider sassing anyone who has a permit to carry a gun, and who is trained to use one. I like my body bullet-hole free. Nuff Said?
#6 – The most important reason. As I said above, I’m not an asshole. These people are out there to protect others, so they deserve respect. There is one dude at Coles, probably 50s or 60s, who always nods, smiles, says hello, and will help me and others with shopping bags if we need it. A simple, “Cheers, Thanks, Nice Gun” goes a long way.
I am polite to just about every one – well, within reason. Even the rude security guard I am polite to. I think he’s so cranky because he has to look at cheap TimTams and not eat any. That would make me cranky.
Image from Google, taken from here