You don’t know me, but thanks for your kind and inspiring comment today.
You see, if you hadn’t have called me “fat” today, I would have wandered about all day ignorant of that fact. You did me a public service, really.
Now, I don’t have to look at the size of my clothes to know that I am, in your words, “fat” – Thanks for saving me time!
I’ve always wondered why I have to go to the Plus Size section when I thought I was super-skinny. Now I know. You’re a freaking genius! A real, bonafide Einstein Genius.
I was a little bit nonplussed though, and I am sure you must understand why. While you were mocking me about the size of my clothes, did you happen to look at yours? I mean, I know they’re probably a size 14 or so, and I guess that gives you the right to call me fat, but really? Lady, you were wearing snap-pants. With a hole in the knee.
Your hoodie with the USA emblem on it was probably classy at one stage too. I know, I know, yours is probably white underneath the layer of grime making it grey, but being your size you probably don’t care. Am I right?
Uggies out of the house is perfectly acceptable in Australia in Winter, I do it myself. But perhaps you should have checked that yours weren’t talking to you before you started in on my appearance.
I would keep going on at you, but I don’t want to be uncharitable about you or your friend that was beside you, joining in on your derision. The fact that she was the same size as me and joined in made me giggle. Ignorance is bliss, right. I should probably know that, considering you only enlightened me today to the fact that I am fat. I’m still confused as to how I haven’t picked up on this fact in the last ten years. I must be fat and stupid. Killer combo!
Didn’t you hear? The reason that I’m not going to Jenny Craig is because I ate the bitch. Yeah Cuz, I nommed her down with gravy, salt and pepper, and one kick ass pitch fork.
So, now that we have the niceties out of the way, there’s a few things I feel I must enlighten you to, Captain Obvious. The first one is that I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You’re always going to be an ugly bitch – you can’t work that away.
The second thing is that I was quite aware that I am fat. You think this much awesomeness could fit it in an itty bitty body like yours? No, it couldn’t. Hence your snap-pants, I’m guessing. Lady, the 1990’s are calling, they want their snap-pants back.
Finally, I hope you and your friend enjoyed your laugh and nastiness at my expense. Thanks for a killer blog idea, I appreciate it. And at least while you were picking on me you were leaving some other poor girl alone.
Lots of Love,
Fat, Fabulous and Fantastic.
P.S – I don’t think your curtains match your carpet.