Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

June 2: Another ten bonuses of being fat (and a new competition!)

on July 5, 2012

I was  reading through old blogs, and re-found My Ten Instances Where Being A Fat Chick Rocks and decided to expand on it a little more.

After yesterdays giggle, I thought it would  be fitting. So, put your mittens on your kittens and awayyyyyyyy we go!

#1 – People expect us to eat the yummy stuff! It is expected of us to head straight to the TimTams, the chocolate Cupcakes, and the candy bar. We get offered the last morsel of whatever is yummiest and, if we are smart, we know how to capitalise on this fact. Fat Chicks, Unite!

#2 – Whilst I want to advocate for safe drinking, I have to say – We can sink a whole lot more piss. I don’t know why, and there may or may not be a scientific reasoning behind it, but I find – after no in-depth study – that it seems to be the larger ones who can handle their alcohol better. Coincidence? I think not.

#3 – See my lumps, my bumps, and my lovely lady wobbles? I like to think of them as personal air bags. Less likely to break a well padded bone, I am. Hand me those rollerblades – there’s a hill I want to tackle!

#4 – This is one my Momma taught me – Fatter face = taughter skin = No Wrinkles!!! This one does excite me to a certain degree.
Sales Lady: Hi there. Do you want to try some anti wrinkle cream from Oil of Olay??
Me: No thanks. I’m going to try the anti wrinkle scheme from Oil of KFC.

#5 – Any weightloss is a MAJOR “wahoooooooo” moment. It doesn’t matter if you lose 200gms or 200kgs, it’s a major thing. The best bit? A loss of 6kg is noticeable fairly early on, and people are all like “Heyyyy, you look fabuloussssssss!” If you’re a skinny minny and lose  6kg people are all like “Ooooooh, you look sick!” Score one for the fatty-bo-batties!

#6 – We get a box of popcorn to ourselves at the cinema. Movie Popcorn is the hardest  thing to share after TimTams and birthday cake. You know it, I know it, and this is another fact that I abuse. If your lips aren’t tingling then you know you have shared too much popcorn, and you need to change this fact.

#7 – Biggies tend to give the best squisher cuddles. I think it’s because were soft, snuggly, and have more poundage to put into the hug. These tuckshop lady arms aren’t just useful wings to wave to our hips with: they help keep children and animals warm on cold nights, not to mention the Ringless Husband.

#8 – It is an awesome “fake person” detector. It acts as a buffer between me and people who are more concerned with appearance than personality. It helps filter out the assholes and rude people, while letting me know which people are just lovely and worth me knowing!

#9 – I never have to ask “Do I look fat in this?” I already know I look fat in anything, so I don’t have to stress on the fact, Problem solvered, give me a bolero, a pair of dark tights and then I’m right to go. I’ll rock the look and shake my booty while I’m at it.

#10 (and here is where the competition comes into it!) – we can rock the costume jewelry like a bawssss, because we have the confidence that comes with it. Big jangly bracelets and gorgeous necklaces don’t look like they’re hanging on a display stand, but that they’re chilling on the chest of a gorgeous woman as if they have grown there.

SO – HOW DO YOU WIN THE COMPETITION?

I have two pieces of costume jewellry to give away – two gorgeous necklaces that are up for a lucky winner. All you have to do is comment on this post what your favorite positive about being Fabulous, Fat, and Fantastic.
It can be mundane, out there, whacky – anything that YOU feel is a plus for being PLUS sized! If yours is chosen by our judge you will WIN!

Competition is open to Aussie readers and is running until the 11th of July, 2012. Winners will be notified by email, so make sure you use your real email address.

Get your entries in – these necklaces are just waiting for you!!!

Advertisements

6 responses to “June 2: Another ten bonuses of being fat (and a new competition!)

  1. Kristy says:

    Im going to use my fat ass to NOT have to sit next to anyone on a train!! I’m not fat enough to need 2 seats but by god im going to pretend I think I’m too fat for 1. Nothing worse than a 4 hour trip next to a stinky old woman who falls asleep on your shoulder and drools. So I will book all 4 seats for me, my two kids and my right ass cheek.

  2. mum says:

    I have always told you that the drinking thing is a power to weight ratio example..
    love ya guts (all of it) xoxoxoox

  3. RoSy says:

    Not in it for the contest – I don’t qualify – woe is me…
    Just wanna’ say – I love the way you have with words & that you are you & keep it real.
    LOVE #8 & I just cracked up & fell over on #10 – Consider me a display stand about to topple over.
    PeACe!

  4. fighterfemme says:

    when the apocolypse happens we rotund girls will be the ones laughing because we will outlast the skinny minnys. Also we rock all fashions escpecially those prior to the 1990s.

  5. Getting sick can be seen as a good thing by us FFF’s cause we can go “hey I just lost 2kg doing nothing!” whereas those skinny bitches just die, lol.

Have Your Rambling Say!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: