June 3: Such a weird thing to be proud of…

As I have spoken about before, Ringless Hubby and I have been TTC for many years. We’ve been to doctors, specialists, testers – you name it, we’ve been there. We’ve both pretty much exhausted ourselves and I, for one, had all but given up. There were plenty of other avenues we could still take, including IUF and IVF – but realistically, we just couldn’t financially do it.

I was talking to my friend Kristy, who has been one of the ones who has copped everything about my feelings, and she told me about something she had heard of called “Vitex” or “Angus Castus” which you could by Over-The-Counter. Well, I scoured my area for it. Everywhere I could think of, everywhere my friends could think of, until I finally lost it and asked on FB. Wouldn’t you know it, the one place I didn’t think to check (and I don’t know why when it should have been my first) had it.

After paying all my bills and whatnot today, I had enough money for a packet of smokes (yes, I am a smoker, yes, I know this can affect, yes, I would quit if I fell pregnant) or the bottle of the vitamins. The bit that I am proud of? That I didn’t think about the smokes, because the pills were more important.

I know this may seem like something inconsequential to the majority of the people out there – but to me, this is a major step up for me. I get lectured all the time about smoking and how I should quit, but I know that there is no point trying to quite for others, it has to be for me.

Like I said, I know it’s only something small, but to me it’s a major shift. It shows to myself, more than anyone, how committed I am. I have chosen a potential over a certain.

But now comes the normal, agonising wait. In one little bottle, I have so much hope. Wish me Luck.

---