Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

July 5: Taking a step to achieve my dreams

on July 8, 2012

It’s been scary, these last few months. I have had to make decisions regarding my future, my future family’s future, Dan and I’s future… and I don’t know how many more times I could have used the word “future” in one sentence.

I finally bit the bullet last night, and got together all the details, requirements, forms and what not that I needed to begin my nursing next year. Yes, I said it: I’m going to follow through on what I want and start my nursing. I already am a qualified PCA  which means I can work in nursing homes, but as I have said before, that isn’t what I want to do. Let’s head to the completely other end of the spectrum!

As I was going through all the requirements, testing, fees, I was getting scared. I started stressing: Am I good enough? Can I do it? Why am I even bothering? There’s no way I would be able to do this!

And then, I looked to the little me in my head that was saying all this, gave her a firm and stiff middle finger and thought “Eff you! I CAN do this!” – At that moment, something clicked. I don’t know what, and I don’t know how, but I DO know that I will do this. I will finish. I will take the steps I need to in order to achieve what I want.

I have decided I am going to take this one step at a time. I will finish out this year and do all I can preceding the start of the course. And from there? I’ll just take it one step at a time.

I’m excited for what I may reach – and for the decisions I am yet to make.

Midwifery/Doula?
Correspondence/In-House?
Local/QLD?

There are so many little things, so many variables, so many different outcomes from a single decision. ONE single decision can have so many far reaching effects, and I Think that is what scaring me the most. I am 25 years old – yet the amount of hard decisions I have made – far reaching impact ones, any way – isn’t that a great of a number. I am the master of the deferring of decisions. It frustrates Dan to no end, as I make very few decisions. Even something as small as what we are having for dinner will be deferred to his decision. I don’t know why I am like this, as I am usually a pretty headstrong person. But it appears concrete decisions are just a wee bit too hard for me.

I think that’s why I’m getting the heebie jeebies – these are decisions that only I can make, that only I can decide. There is no way someone can make the final choice on these. It’s all me, baby.

I think I just pooed my pants…

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One response to “July 5: Taking a step to achieve my dreams

  1. Whatever choice you do make, or have already made (since you -want- that) just be sure to stick with it. Don’t give up, don’t stop, keep your head high and reassure yourself that you can do it. And you will do it. Good luck with your plans though!

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