Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

July 14: If I Were Mark Zuckerberg

on July 20, 2012

I got to thinking about Zuckerberg today, and was thinking that, realistically, he must be a tops bloke.
Let’s look at what he has done for society:

  • created a space where socially awkward people can all hang out and be socially awkward together
  • made stalking so much more accessible to the common human
  • allowed a platform for every unflattering photo of you to be aired
  • allowed a platform for YOU to air every unflattering photo of your friends
  • created a land where farming is more important because it has “ville” after it
  • united millions of people in their hatred or love of Timeline (and every FB update or change)
  • given people a diary to write in so their inner most secrets can be shared with everyone
  • made cyber-bullying a whole new face

He’s also like a million kajillion dollars richer (not actual amount) and is sitting pretty, even when his float sunk. He has had a movie made out of an internet site that was meant to be just for one colleges students. Let’s face it: Mark Zuckerberg is the bomb.

But, I asked myself, what would I do if I were Mr Z?
Would I sell, sell, sell and GTFO to retire to a life of lazing on yachts, driving porches, and get a boob job?

Well, yes.

But if I decided (since I would be Mr Z and all) that I wanted to keep FB and raking it in? I would change a whole lot of shit.

All your farms would have a glitch where once a month a plane would fly over head, spray some sort of whatever on your crops and you would have to start again. Why? Because people would begin working on real farms out of frustration, so the environment would win.

You would actually have a stalker protection, so that if someone tried to look at your profile more than once, you would get an email. Ding Ding, Stalker named “X” is looking at your profile. Send out the Police? Y/N

You would be able to click a photo of you that is horrid, and have it removed from the page entirely. It would be able to be reuploaded, once someone has played with photo shop.

I would make hangout areas, like chat rooms, where all the awesome ones could go, and all the socially awkward ones could go, etc. That way, you would have a direct link to others like you, and you wouldn’t have to troll the page trying to find people. You’d be all like: “Hey, I’m socially awkward but have super awesomeness as well, I can go right here and talk to others like me. WOOP!”

I would go back to the layout of about 5 years ago, and then watch the whole network go crazy and bitch and whine. I would then say “You wanted it never to change, so I’ve put it back. Sucks to be you.” But, because I am magnanimous, I would change it back to Timeline eventually and people would hail me a hero. And they would be right.


One response to “July 14: If I Were Mark Zuckerberg

  1. mum says:

    again I say – YOU TOSSER!

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