Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

June 4: Being a “Bad Weather” friend.

I am going to be honest with you all here: I am a lazy friend!

I am lucky in that all my close friends know and accept this, and understand that if you want a visit, you had better come to my place. I have milk, I have coffee, I even have mugs to serve it in!

However, I would still like to think I am a good friend.

I have noticed that when things are good for my friends, I tend to stay away. I still think of them, sure,  I just don’t feel the need to be constantly on their doorsteps for coffee (unless you are Tamika, in which case: Suck it Up Princess!)

However, when things are going shit house and their world is crumbling, I will always be there for my mates. I will back them up, talk to them every day, travel 100km just to make sure they’re OK. I’ll send them little messages that just say that I’m thinking of them, and make sure that they are coping as best as they can.

This leads to me to ask: Am I a sucky, as well as a lazy, friend?

You all hear stories of when someone is a “fair weather” friend, and it generally comes with a negative connotation. But what about someone like me, someone who is more of a “Bad Weather” friend? Does that mean that I have become an aspect of a type of friend that I hate?

Personally, I like knowing that my mates understand that I will be when times are in the crapper, and the rest of the time I will leave you alone. It’s not to say I don’t check in on your FB, or don’t think of them, or don’t send them a call or a text randomly; it’s more that I don’t flood myself with their presence, nor them with mine.

I have friends who don’t call me when things are all and well in their lives, but the second something goes wrong they are on my doorstep and I’m giving them a squeezle. I have only ever turned someone away from my doorstep once, so if you turn up in tears, you can be pretty assured that I will have you inside with my kettle on in a matter of seconds.

I have tried to walk the balance between Fair and Bad weather friend, and I just cannot seem to master it. I either get sick of them, they get sick of me, or my good intentions fly out the window with my first late night that leaves me waking up and spending the whole day being lethargic. (Like I said, a lazy friend.)

I am always enthusing about my eclectic friend circle – My friends are all wide and varied in their personalities: I have the quiet and forceful, The out and proud, The theatric singer, The Rum Loving Ferret and many more. I’m lucky that they know that I always think and care of them, even if I don’t speak to them all the time.

But I’m still left wondering if being a “bad weather” friend most of the time makes me a bad friend all the time.


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15 April: My KuppyKake.



You know how you go through life, and you make new friends as often as you lose old ones? I’m pretty lucky in that my circle hasn’t really changed much in the last couple of years, except for one or two who I just had to let go of.

But one, whom you hear about quite a lot, is very special to me.

Meeka and I have only been friends for about 10 months but it feels like longer: she’s my go to when things get stuck and I can’t fix it, she’s the one who I can message at stupid-o-clock in the morning because I had a nightmare, she’s the one who listens to my crazy, then throws her kids at me and says “hold these while we figure this out.”

The thing that makes me admire her, though, is her sheer tenacity. It doesn’t matter if her world is crumbling and she losing her mind, I only have to call her and I know she will be by my side.

She’s generous so much that it does, sometimes, annoy me. She’s one of these people that will give you the only bra she has left if you need it, purely because YOU need it. Unfortunately, that leaves her and her husband, Vinny, open to be used and abused by other, less scrupulous folk – which does kinda make me go all pissy because to me, that’s not what people should do.

It’s the little things she does for me, though, that make me wonder at her absolute and utter amazingness: I mentioned one day that I always wanted big balloons on a birthday. You know, those huge number ones that are just about taller than a ten year old? When I came home from visiting my mum on my birthday I walked into my dining room and nearly died – there, in their silver inflated fantastic-ness, were two balloons, a 2 and a 5, surrounded by smaller purple balloons. It was one of the most amazing presents I have ever gotten.

Or there’s the time when I was doing a kake and needed a particular item for it but I couldn’t get to Coles to get it. Next thing I know, Meeka is on my doorstep with exactly what I need as well as my favorite drink.

I have a lot of friends – I am very lucky in that all of them are there for me, no matter what I am going through. But Meeka is the one I call when I am stressing and on the verge of breathing into a paper bag, she’s the one who makes me get my shit together and stop being a sook, and above all else, she’s the one who lubbs me no matter what I have done, or am doing, or want to do.

Friendship these days seems to be a case of “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” – but I love knowing that with Tamika, even if I was unable to do anything for her, she would still be my friend, she would still have my back, and she would still Lubb me.

To me, that’s what friendship is all about.