Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 15: My Top Ten Car Sing-A-Long Songs

I am a baaaaaaaaaaaad one for cruising along in my car and singing along to my favorite songs. I am sure I have given quite a few people a giggle with my in-car singing and dancing antics.¬† I will, however, say that the constables aren’t a fan of it. Just ask my Mum!

So, here is my list:

#10 – Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

Come on, you know you did the “Bum, Bum, Buuuum” after that.

This song is a classic, and everyone in the world knows what follows the words “Sweet Caroline!”. This is one of my cruising down the highway loving life songs.

#9 – Bust It! Young MC

Classic 1989, Young MC made this single and it has had a long lasting effect. The lyrics are actually funny if you listen to them – unless you’re like me and too busy dancing at a red light.

#8 – Under The Sea – Ignatio Crustaceo Sebastian

I don’t care what any body says, this crab is the bomb diggity. Try and tell me you don’t sing along, even in your head, when this song comes on, and I won’t believe you. Yes, I am 25, but I will groove and belt along with this song no matter what I am doing or who I am with.

#7 – Big Girl – Mika

Arrrrgh, one of my anthems!!! I feel sorry for the poor sucker beside me if this song is on. It generally goes “OMFGILOVETHISSONGTURNITUP!” and I’m positively useless for the next four minutes.

#6 – The Gambler – Kenny Rogers

It’s The Gambler. ‘Nuff said.

#5 – Fast Car – Tracy Chapman

Who doesn’t love this song? About a young girl bettering her life (or trying to, anyway) this is a gorgeous song about self sufficience and doing what you have to do to survive. I can thank my mum for getting me into this one.

#4 – Cherry Pie – Warrant

OMG – This song takes me back to my first ever solo drive on my P’s. I had this Pumping in my tiny little Hyndai but I was rocking it like I was back in 1990! This is one of those songs that you can’t help but know the chorus… even if it’s from it being so repetetive.

#3 – Total Eclipse Of The Heart – Bonnie Tyler

Another song that every sucker knows, this is the ultimate in road tripping with your best mate and singing along. It doesn’t matter what you do or who you are with, this song will make you turn up the volume and cease all conversation for the duration.

#2 – Count On Me – Bruno Mars

I just love the simplicity of this song – all about friendship and nothing else. Aside from Mr Mars’ delectable voice, this ballad is perfect to send to your mates who are having a bad day… although I don’t advice sending the lyrics while you’re driving. Police don’t like that!

#1 – Cartoon Heroes – Aqua

As if those of you who know me didn’t know this would be in here.
Tragic? Maybe. My favorite song? Definitley!!! And when it’s live it’s even better. I tend to stop paying attention to my surroundings and I have been known to have to set a speedo-alert when this comes on.

What are your car songs? I want to hear them!!!

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April 21: Ten instances where being a fat chick rocks.

Ok, so we all aware of the stigma surrounding being a plus size woman in a negative sized society. Tonight, I was feeling particularly bad about having more junk in my trunk, so I thought up 10 instances where it rocks.

1- AT CONCERTS (or any other place where people are in your way):

Being of bigger frame, I find my hip-and-shoulder¬† technique tends to be quite effective. This means I can get to where I need to go with out fear of being trampled on, and simultaneously barrage my way through. It also means that people GTFO of my way when they see me running through. It’s kind of like being a Trojan horse… without being made of wood and filled with 100 men all wanting to kill someone.

2- WHEN YOU’RE SICK:

I always wonder what would happen to my smaller sized family members if they were to get really sick. They would waste away to practically nothing, and have nothing left to fight whatever germ was munching on their immune system. I know that if I was to get sick, I would at least have a lot of body that could waste away before it became panic stations for every one. (Note to all those who care about me – if this happens to me, don’t stress. I’ll probably love the result.)

3- YOU CAN PULL OFF A LOT OF LOOKS THAT SKINNY LOVELIES JUST CANT:

The other day I was seated in front two girls who had about 50kg differentiating them but had the same look going on. I’m talking vanity curls, striking makeup, and rock-a-billy clothes. The smaller girl looked nice, I won’t deny that. But the bigger chick definitely had the “oomph” factor that made you stare in wonder at her. It was like the look had been made for the bigger girl, where as the petite one was just playing dress ups.

4- PEOPLE LOVE YOU, NOT YOUR LOOK:

Now, this isn’t to say that you skinny minnies don’t have “true” friends, it’s just to say that bigger people have to rely on their personalities to attract positive attention.
Bigger girls do tend to get “ignored” in social settings, such as clubs, pubs, parties etc. So we have to have a personality that draws people to us and makes them look beyond the number on the tag of our clothes. If we attract a guy’s notice, it’s not because you can see Tasmania at the bottom of our skirt, it’s because of our personality.
Again, I reiterate, this is not to say anything bad about our petite friends, this is just an observation I have made.

5- WE LEARN THE BEST COMEBACKS TO “FAT” JOKES:

Every big girl has had fat comments thrown at them out of malice. It’s always laughable when these comments come out of the mouth of someone who is also a big bottomed personage.
Early on, my Mum taught me a come-back that I still use today: I can lose my weight, but you’re always going to be an (insert whatever adjective you want here, eg. ignorant, ugly) (insert whatever name suits you here – I tend to go with the “F” word more than anything.)”
You learn how to turn their ignorant comment back on the person saying it, which tends to leave them open mouthed and looking like a Trout more than anything.

6- WE GET F****D WITH A LOT LESS:

During my five-year stop over at Domino’s, I spent a lot of time in dodgy neighborhoods where most women would have been afraid. I quickly learnt that being a big chick came with the advantage that people just wouldn’t mess with you. I don’t know if it’s because I’m told I can be intimidating or because they were worried I might sit on them, but hey! I will take this point and run with it.

7- WE LEARN, VERY EARLY ON, THAT BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT SOCIETY DEEMS, BUT WHAT WE ARE IN OURSELVES:

I remember being in high school and being teased about my weight incessantly. Because of this, I learnt that you should never ever judge a book by it’s cover. Ok, so someone might be what is deemed “fat” but they may have had a wicked sense of humor, been a great friend or been just like me, craving acceptance that their belly wouldn’t let them have. I don’t tease or belittle anyone for their size because I know that being big is not always a choice.

8- WE STAY WARMER IN WINTER:

This kind of ties in to my point about being sick – there is more of our body to help insulate us and keep us warm, as opposed to people who are skinny (be it naturally or otherwise) who have very little between their skin and their bones. Let’s not forget, it’s because of their blubber that we have gorgeous seals, polar bears and dolphins!!!

9- WE HAVE SOME AWESOME ROLE MODELS:

Curvy stars, such as the likes of the gorgeous Marilyn Monroe and Queen Latifah, provide us with role models who show us that being big is not a bad thing – it is part of who we are and we are a force to be reckoned with! These two stars in particular, as well as many like them, have/had shunned societies view of being fat as being unacceptable, and helped buck the trend that thin is in. When I am having day that makes me feel like I’m worthless because of my size, I put on a movie that showcases these beautiful ladies, because they prove to me that I am not worthless just because I have jiggly bits.

10- WE GET THE BEST SONGS WRITTEN FOR US:

Fat Bottomed Girls, By Queen
Big Girl, By Mika
Baby Got Back, By Sir Mix-A-Lot

These are my three favorite songs that promote curves and their lusciousness. Perfect for if you’re feeling less-than-adequate about your curves, your lumps, your bumps, and the size of your butt! I have these songs on my iPod and I use them as my “pump up” songs for when I’m going somewhere that I know I am going to self conscious at.

Disclaimer: this is not to belittle, upset, abuse, defame, humiliate or any other such negative feeling any women or men who are of smaller frame. This is just instances that I noticed rock for being a woman with junk in my trunk… and belly… and thighs!

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