Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

June 10: Things that annoy me on FaceBook.

It’s been like a whole week since we have had a list – did you miss it? I have had to physically stop myself from writing lists for my blogs, but I couldn’t resist this one. Let me know if you have any to add or any comments to share! Don’t forget you can comment at the bottom of the post, too 🙂 You will also notice that I have developed somewhat of an obsession with someecards… Thanks Rach!

So, I give you : Things that annoy me on FaceBook.

The VagueBooking.

This is where someone writes something that is deliberately vague along the lines of  “Oh, I can’t do this anymore, Somebody  help me please!” which prompts someone to ask “OMIGOD! r u okayyyyyy?”. Then we get a status full of people asking what is wrong and how they can help, and of course, the ever present ” I luv youhhh” which is ignored by the status writer.

The “DW” and/or “I can’t say” comment.

Look, whenever I see someone post the DW comment the first thing the goes through my head is “When things trouble you, call DW! – Darkwiiiing Duck!” followed promptly by my keyboard. If you don’t want to talk about something, why put it on a networking site which is, after all, for speaking to people? Just don’t put it up! Same goes if you “can’t” talk about something.
For example:

  • “OMG OMG OMG”
  • What’s up
  • SORRY I CAN’T SAY AT THE MOMENT!
  • Then why have you even mentioned it on FaceBook you twit?

Funny Sympathy Ecard: I want you to know that whatever problems you're having, I'm here to read about it on Facebook.

The “I’m too sexy for a shirt in any of my photos look at my biceps come at me girls” display pictures.

This picture says it way better than I ever could:

I don’t care about your abs, your pecs, or anything else. If I wanted to see photos of you shirtless every day, I would check myself into a somewhere that FaceBook was non-accessible so that I could receive help. Seriously, Men of the world: Women honestly don’t care that much, and the first thing they think when they see your 300 mobile uploads of your naked torso in the bathroom mirror is generally “What a Douche.”
Do us all a favour, yeah? Leave the shirt on.

The complaints about Time Line.

Are you ready for this, FaceBook users? Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t care if you don’t like the new timeline. Your pointless rants and statuses about it won’t change the fact that it is here and here it is to stay. Any sort of email or link you get which magically promises to remove timeline is spam and it won’t happen. Don’t forget, there was an uproar like this the last five times FB changed its format, and ever time you screamed for the “old” FaceBook back which is the one you were whinging about in the first place!


And Finally:

People who add friends off your list that they have never met or spoken with or even knew of their existence.

Ok, let’s be honest. These are the stupid reasons they are my FaceBook friends:

  • I know them
  • I interact with them
  • I would say “hi” to them in the street because I recognise them.

These are the stupid reasons they are not your FaceBook friend:

  • You don’t know them
  • You don’t interact with them
  • You wouldn’t say “hi” to them in the street because you don’t recognise them.

“Nuff said.

Funny Thanks Ecard: Thanks for unwittingly letting me pillage your Facebook friends list in a desperate attempt to build up my own.

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June 4: Being a “Bad Weather” friend.

I am going to be honest with you all here: I am a lazy friend!

I am lucky in that all my close friends know and accept this, and understand that if you want a visit, you had better come to my place. I have milk, I have coffee, I even have mugs to serve it in!

However, I would still like to think I am a good friend.

I have noticed that when things are good for my friends, I tend to stay away. I still think of them, sure,  I just don’t feel the need to be constantly on their doorsteps for coffee (unless you are Tamika, in which case: Suck it Up Princess!)

However, when things are going shit house and their world is crumbling, I will always be there for my mates. I will back them up, talk to them every day, travel 100km just to make sure they’re OK. I’ll send them little messages that just say that I’m thinking of them, and make sure that they are coping as best as they can.

This leads to me to ask: Am I a sucky, as well as a lazy, friend?

You all hear stories of when someone is a “fair weather” friend, and it generally comes with a negative connotation. But what about someone like me, someone who is more of a “Bad Weather” friend? Does that mean that I have become an aspect of a type of friend that I hate?

Personally, I like knowing that my mates understand that I will be when times are in the crapper, and the rest of the time I will leave you alone. It’s not to say I don’t check in on your FB, or don’t think of them, or don’t send them a call or a text randomly; it’s more that I don’t flood myself with their presence, nor them with mine.

I have friends who don’t call me when things are all and well in their lives, but the second something goes wrong they are on my doorstep and I’m giving them a squeezle. I have only ever turned someone away from my doorstep once, so if you turn up in tears, you can be pretty assured that I will have you inside with my kettle on in a matter of seconds.

I have tried to walk the balance between Fair and Bad weather friend, and I just cannot seem to master it. I either get sick of them, they get sick of me, or my good intentions fly out the window with my first late night that leaves me waking up and spending the whole day being lethargic. (Like I said, a lazy friend.)

I am always enthusing about my eclectic friend circle – My friends are all wide and varied in their personalities: I have the quiet and forceful, The out and proud, The theatric singer, The Rum Loving Ferret and many more. I’m lucky that they know that I always think and care of them, even if I don’t speak to them all the time.

But I’m still left wondering if being a “bad weather” friend most of the time makes me a bad friend all the time.

 

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March 24: What 2012 has taught me.

Tonight, while searching the blogosphere for inspiration, I came across findingravity and found an Idea that seemed perfect to me.
I have used her blog as inspiration and knowing how important it is to pass on credit where it needs to be, please pop over check her out.

Friends are the ones who catch you when you fall.

This year I have learnt what it means to have friends that will always be there to haul your drunken arse off the floor, who will answer your midnight text that says “I’m losing my shit, I don’t know what to do”, and who will rock up on your doorstep with a Coffee Milk, a Hug, and some carefully chosen words which basically tell me to snap out of my funk and realise that life is crap right now, but it will one day be better.

Having my circle of friends (which has expanded this year) means that I now have a circle of four people who have constantly got my whiny-assed back, and know that sometimes, I need to cry just as much as I need someone to bitch slap some sense into me. They have shown me that just because you have a friend or two, it doesn’t mean you have mates.

They have encouraged me to do what I have to do in order to better Daniel and I’s lives, they have shown me what I have the strength to achieve; And above all else, they have shown me that I have four people in this wild and nasty world who believe in me and what I can accomplish. To these four people, I hope you know who you are. Between Knee Reco’s, KuppyKakes, Pearl Necklaces and Ferrets, I know my world is protected and I am safe with you four. Thank you.

A mosquito is miniscule, but it’s noise can keep you awake.

2012 Has been the year where I have had to grow some balls and realise that I may only be one person, but I have a foghorn of a voice and a set of very loud lungs. When asked recently if I knew that one person taking on a corporation was nearly impossible, I responded with “And a mosquito is only one small thing, yet it can keep a room awake for a night” I realised that I was right.

I can choose, right this very second, to take one of two choices that will define me for the rest of my life. I can be a door mat, and accept the treatment which I know I didn’t deserve; or I can be the Karma Bus, cruising along to VengaBoys, standing up for rights that every worker deserves. I choose the latter.

This year has seen me have to stand up and face up to the brutal world of business ethics (or lack thereof) and fight for justice in a universe where the dollars talk, the abusers walk, and the abused stumble and fall. As such, while I fight with a mental issue that is some days crippling, I know I have the strength to fight harder and meaner. I may not make a difference in what was done to me – but at least I know my baby sisters will have the knowledge that no person can ever make your life hell without retribution.

With an attitude like mine, some people find me intimidating.

This year has seen my attitude grow to a level somewhere along the same lines as Godzilla’s – it’s dinoriffic and I’m proud of it. I no longer allow people to walk all over me and treat me like I am shit on their shoe. You don’t like me? That’s fine. You think I’m a bitch? Well done on reaching a conclusion that was realised many years ago.  You think I miss you? Pfft!

The attitude is somewhat of a self-defense mechanism, yes. But when I had the choice to grovel for something that I still don’t know of, or standing tall like my Momma taught me, I finally chose to stand. I have gone from being the person who bends over backwards to help someone, even when it means I am put out, to someone who will walk on by and think “Fu*k Ya!”

I like it. I like being beholden to no one, and this year has shown me that I can be self-sufficient, I can be OK without others, and I can live a life without them. It has shown me that it’s OK to rock the boat, it’s OK to stand up for yourself like you were taught, and above all else, It’s OK to be ME!

If the world didn’t suck we would all fall off.

Finally, I have learnt and accepted that sometimes this world we live in just plain old sucks nuts. The world is not fair, it is not right, and all I can do is accept what I can accept, change what I can change, and be the best Kloi-Jayd I can be.

The world has to suck for every one – other wise, how would we appreciate and value the days that are amazing? How would we have something to compare if there were no bad days or good days? Would we even appreciate those days where we feel grateful to be alive if we didn’t have days that made us want to crawl into a hole and die?

I have come to acknowledge that it is OK for me to have a bad day. It’s OK for me to have a day where I can’t get out of my pyjamas through this depressed-induced fog that clouds my mind sometimes. As long as I can do it one day, and know that the sucky time I am in right now is not always going to be there. One day, my life will be as perfect as it can be. Until then, I just have to ride this roller coaster that sometimes makes me want a refund, and wait for the day when the ride stops and can go no further.

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January 10th: A weighty issue.

It’s been three days since I started back on my diet.

Three long, boring, tasteless, craving-full days.

But – I haven’t cracked. No, not once. And I am so proud of myself.

Im back to weighing my foods, and calorie counting, and drinking a whole lot more fluid, and tonight I’m feeling fairly good! I went shopping hungry and instead of going straight for the Deli for Kabana and the dairy for a Kiewa, I went and got rye biscuits and a tomato – and boy, was it yummy when I got home!

However, while three days doesn’t seem very long at all, to a woman who loves her KFC, Maccas, Pizza, any fast food really, it’s been ages.

I need to credit my weight loss group, Biggest Loser Mini Motivators, for keeping me strong, listening to my whingeing, and providing healthy alternatives when I have had none.

Including my Tamika, whom you have all heard about, encouraging me and getting me to try new things,  there have been two other ladies who have helped enormously by getting me out for a walk today. I won’t mention names, as Im not sure how they would feel about it. But if you read this, Thank you very much, for pushing me and getting me out of the house.

The page and the women on it have been great – always full of ideas, support, encouragement and knowing exactly where I am coming from and how hard it is. They never judge, belittle or question your eating for the day, but just encourage you to maybe make a better choice, or supplement this for that, and sometimes help the most by saying nothing.

Everyone in our group is there for the same reason – we are there to lose weight, get healthy, see results and find who we want to be… but I think we all are going to gain some wonderful friends, and have some amazing sounding boards for a long time yet.

It has only been three days but I have shared more with some women about my issues than I have with many other people. I have someone to say, “You know what? I could kill someone for a hot chip sanga as well!” and that makes me feel good. I like knowing that someone understands where I am coming from and isn’t judging me for it.

Every body in our group is doing so well. They’re all making different choices, and trying new things, and I am really excited for our weigh in next Sunday. I know that even if I dont get the loss I am after, there is going to be people to help me through and support me, encourage me, allow me to cry and then help me wipe the tears.

It feels amazing to be part of a small community, where I am not “Her daughter” or “His Partner”, But just plain old Kloi-Jayd, battling the same demons as everyone else and fighting for what I want.

If any of the ladies from the group happen to read this: Thank you. Thank you for everything.

And to Tamika, who took a seed of an idea and has worked tirelessly into making it come to fruition, Thank you. We have made an amazing team.

For anyone interested, our group is based in Albury/Wodonga and you can get information at:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/135338876578748/

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January 1st – Your Social Network… is it your Social Circle?

If I was to say “Facebook”, what would your first thought be?

Games?
Antagonism?
Friends?
Drama-Filled?

The average person has approximately 130 friends on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics). I have about 370,  my mum has 507, and my best friend has just 73.

To me, Facebook is a place to keep up with those friends whom you don’t see very often, or who are over seas; it’s a place where I can play my games, or just chill for a few mind-numbing hours.

But… how many of people on your Social Network are actually in your Social Circle?

For me, this is easy. There is Daniel; my immediate family (Hello, Family!); There are a few friends – and by few I mean approximately 5; there is my Lubber, Tamika, and her husband; and that’s it.

There is not a person on my friends list who I wouldn’t introduce to my Grandparents. However, there is one or two who I keep on there purely out of selfish enjoyment for watching their “poor-me” lives.

Lets do a quick count –   my 5 friends, and Tamika – I have six people who are in my “friend” Social Circle. That doesn’t seem to be many at all when you compare it to the 370 people on my Social Network.

We all see the Chain-Statuses that go around – “I will be there for all my FB friends, repost if you would be, too…” or to some variation.
But really – would they? You don’t see them for coffees, you don’t visit them, they don’t visit you, you don’t call them or communicate in any way other than FB, and you really only know what they choose to air on that wonderful, if  not painful, network, FaceBook.

I went through a little while ago and deleted over 300 people – all who would “be there for me”, but none who ever demonstrated that at my very lowest. I don’t believe that being friends of FB makes you friends in reality. Friends in reality takes time, commitment, communication and effort. FB friends require a “poke” every now and then, maybe a wall post (Insert Generic “Oh, Hai, GF! Ain’t seen yo in fo-evah!)  or a photo tag.

Being in a social circle is a completely different kettle of proverbial fish. My social circle mainly consists of hugs, “get effed”, lots of “lubb” and sometimes a crazy murder concealed purely by awesomeness. Throw into that mix tears, screaming, breakdowns, tantrums, the occasional hour or five of bitching, and the knowledge that if you wake me before 9am with out a Coffee Milk, you’re liable to be shot. To me, this is what my circle is and I would be lost without it.

I have been the victim of “FB friend-syndrome”, as I call it: The place where you’re so comfortable in your FB friendship that you think it extends into real life. I have known others who have actively done this, just to get a giggle for themselves.

I guess, the moral of this rambling blog is to make sure you know the way to the difference. Sort your true friends from the ones who watch you just to see you fall. And, above all else: value those who deserve your friendship, and who show you how important you are to them. Don’t take that little “Friend Request” to mean you have a million friends.

Your friend count means little more than an arena for people to be spectators into your life.

Hugs and Mushy Stuff,
K xxx

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