Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

July 1: Dear Lady who called me “fat” today.

Hi there!

You don’t know me, but thanks for your kind and inspiring comment today.

You see, if you hadn’t have called me “fat” today, I would have wandered about all day ignorant of that fact. You did me a public service, really.

Now, I don’t have to look at the size of my clothes to know that I am, in your words, “fat” – Thanks for saving me time!

I’ve always wondered why I have to go to the Plus Size section when I thought I was super-skinny. Now I know. You’re a freaking genius! A real, bonafide Einstein Genius.

I was a little bit nonplussed though, and I am sure you must understand why. While you were mocking me about the size of my clothes, did you happen to look at yours? I mean, I know they’re probably a size 14 or so, and I guess that gives you the right to call me fat, but really? Lady, you were wearing snap-pants. With a hole in the knee.

Your hoodie with the USA emblem on it was probably classy at one stage too. I know, I know, yours is probably white underneath the layer of grime making it grey, but being your size you probably don’t care. Am I right?

Uggies out of the house is perfectly acceptable in Australia in Winter, I do it myself. But perhaps you should have checked that yours weren’t talking to you before you started in on my appearance.

I would keep going on at you, but I don’t want to be uncharitable about you or your friend that was beside you, joining in on your derision. The fact that she was the same size as me and joined in made me giggle. Ignorance is bliss, right. I should probably know that, considering you only enlightened me today to the fact that I am fat. I’m still confused as to how I haven’t picked up on this fact in the last ten years. I must be fat and stupid. Killer combo!

Didn’t you hear? The reason that I’m not going to Jenny Craig is because I ate the bitch. Yeah Cuz, I nommed her down with gravy, salt and pepper, and one kick ass pitch fork.

So, now that we have the niceties out of the way, there’s a few things I feel I must enlighten you to, Captain Obvious. The first one is that I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You’re always going to be an ugly bitch – you can’t work that away.

The second thing is that I was quite aware that I am fat. You think this much awesomeness could fit it in an itty bitty body like yours? No, it couldn’t. Hence your snap-pants, I’m guessing. Lady, the 1990’s are calling, they want their snap-pants back.

Finally, I hope you and your friend enjoyed your laugh and nastiness at my expense. Thanks for a killer blog idea, I appreciate it. And at least while you were picking on me you were leaving some other poor girl alone.

Lots of Love,
Fat, Fabulous and Fantastic.

P.S – I don’t think your curtains match your carpet.


January 4th: when bad things happen to good people.

Hi everyone!

In the last two weeks, I have been made aware – VERY aware – of how lucky I am to have my family and friends in relatively good health.

I think everyone has a tendency at some point to just think “FML!!!” and feel like everything in your life is against you, and that nothing will ever go right. Sometimes, Life is like that: it bitch slaps you silly and makes you confront things that you have to rectify, or deal with, or learn to ignore.

But what happens when it’s a little person who is being handled a rather large obstacle to deal with?

Those of you in my mothers circle will know who I am talking about, but in the interests of keeping his privacy intact, I am going to omit his name.

The child In question is only that: a child. He is a preteen, a mad soccer fan and just an all round, nice, pleasant, well brought up child.

Before Christmas, the little dude was diagnosed with “Perthes Disease.” (Did you go straight to Google like I did?)

Perthes’ disease is a disorder of the hip joint in children. Children often have difficulty in describing their initial symptoms. In the early stages of Perthes’ disease, your child will have a limp that often comes and goes. The limp may get worse as the disease progresses. Eventually, your child may feel pain in the knee, thigh or groin when they put weight on the leg or move the hip joint. Also, there will be less movement in the hip joint. If your child has had the condition for a long time, the affected leg may be slightly thinner and shorter.

Despite pain and limping, these children are healthy. Perthes’ disease usually affects children between the ages of three and eleven years. It is more common in boys than in girls. Only one hip is affected in over three-quarters of children.

( http://kidshealth.chw.edu.au/fact-sheets/perthes-disease )

After an appointment with a wonderful surgeon, it was discovered that this diagnosis was wrong, and he had SUFE. (Again, Mr. Google comes in handy.)

A ‘Slipped Upper Femoral Epiphysis’ (also called a ‘SUFE’) is a condition involving the hip joint. The hip joint works as a ball and socket. With a SUFE, the growth plate (called the epiphyseal plate) at the top of the thigh bone is weak and the ball (head of the femur) slips downward and backward. The exact cause of this condition is not known, but there may be a link between increased weight and puberty hormones. A ‘SUFE’ is not usually associated with an injury. The symptoms often develop slowly – over several months – and may seem like a pulled muscle in the hip, thigh or knee. It is important to get an early diagnosis and treatment before the slip gets worse and children may need to have the unaffected side treated as well to prevent future slipping.

( http://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/factsheets.cfm?doc_id=5766 )

Now, the little Dude had his operation today, and I am led to believe that it went well.

There is going to be a long time of recuperation for this little dude, and for a keen soccer player, a swimming fanatic, and an active person, twelve months is a long time to be sitting stagnant while you heal properly.

Just using this one example, does it make you question your last “poor-me” moment? Because it does for me.

It makes me realise how lucky and fortunate my family and I are to know that

To the little dude, and his parents and brother, I am thinking of you and am hoping for his speedy recovery.

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