Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 10: A giggle whilst I shopped.

Have you ever looked in your grocery trolley and just laughed at what you have in there?

Tonight I was in Coles on a mission to get more cleaning products – we have a house inspection next week so this is where we do all the finer detail things like walls, door jambs, etc.

Anyway, I’m on my mission, pick up a basket as I go through the door and head straight to cleaning aisle.

Bleach: Tick.
Creme Cleanser: Tick
Rubber Gloves: Check
Toilet Cleaner: Check
Solvol: Check
Steel Wool: Check
Preen for Carpets: Tick.

As I was putting myself through the self-checkout, I realised that I hope no one gets killed in my area in the next week. I had the CSI’s shopping list in one little basket!

It made me think about other things that make me laugh when I see them side-by-side with something that just doesn’t go with it:

Condoms and a Pregnancy Test
Diet Coke and a box of chocolate
Hair Dye and Shampoo For Grey
A book on feeding your toddler and a toddler munching down on a Boost bar
The book titled “How to kill your husband” and a roll of Duct Tape
That weeks “Picture” magazine and a bible

I may be incredibly judgemental in my above summations, but I think it’s funny.

I love it when you see two things that, when purchased seperately, are completely innocent and innocuous… but when you purchase them in combination, I.E. an axe and a roll of duct tape, you can have raised eye brows.

Inside every persons shopping is a glimpse into their life. If you were to look in my trolley, you would see the home brand of everything, a pack of coloured tampons because they’re cute, meals that you can cook in a microwave, and a cat food – summary: a person who is on the go and can’t cook for shit.

If you were to look in my grandmothers trolley, you would see a combination of brand and home brand, cleaning products, fresh fruit and veges and meat from the butcher – summary: a well organised and clean freak woman who cooks healthy, plentiful meals.

I love seeing what people have in their trolley. If it’s all jumbled in, or if it’s stacked according to size/frozen/fresh; if it’s all home brand or all brand; if there is a potential murder clean up happening across from me in the dairy aisle.

I have a habit of making up full on fairy tales in my head based on what people have in their shopping. Tonight, for example, there was a woman who had a trolley stacked up and three kids. I imaghined her to be stocking up before she ran away to Barbados for a week with the Beach Boys.

What do you shop like? Could you ever be an unwilling suspect in a murder charge? Or are you super organised and shop according to size and whether the item is perishable or not?

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March 22: The adventure to the centre of the… Handbag… DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN!

Ahhhh… The handbag.

The place that everything goes to, quite often never to return. (This is especially the case when it comes to receipts!)

Today, I happened to randomly look in my bag and realised that If I were to lose it, I would be fu-barred beyond belief!

What’s in my handbag? I hear you begrudgingly ask… Well, here we go…

Lets start on the right: I have a box containing an Amber Necklace to deliver to our prize winner from last week (thanks MyAmberBaby), two bottles of perfume – I wear both at the same time -, my smokes, my lighters (yes, four of the suckers), my phone, a receipt which has some how survived more than 20 minutes in the chasm, my huge wallet, umpteen packets of Equal, eyeliner, mascara, coins, a pen donated from somewhere… and there is more crap underneath!

Now, a womans hand bag is said to be a direct reflection of her life. A friend of mine always has a “toy” in it, another’s is as organised as the Dewey Decimal System, and mine… well, mine is exactly what my life is: Chaotic.

I tried keeping my bag organised and neat… and it was the most stressful 20 minutes of my adult hand bag carrying life! Yes, I could see everything, and I knew where it all was, but I constantly felt as though it was empty and I had forgotten something.

I always know where something is in my bag, even if its as jumbled and mixed up as above. I can direct you almost exactly toward whatever it is you may be looking for; I can tell you how much change is in the bottom; I can even tell you where you will be able to find an ever elusive nose stud!

Dan is always hesitant to rummage through in search of something… I wonder if he feels like Frodo did as he was heading out for Mordor. Of course, it took Frodo five years to find the City. I don’t think Dan would be lost for any more than seven, maybe eight!

My  handbag has slowly been growing as I have gotten older. It has gone from a wee cute little receptacle to a cavernous, multi-pocketed, bursting at the seams over nighter bag. And I love it!!!

Having a huge handbag is always handy, especially for when Dan can’t carry his wallet, keys, phone or anything he has bought. When I am out with kids it is not unusual to find a dummy, a bottle, or maybe a chip stranded in the bottom.

I often sit and think “yeah, I probably should clean it out.” And then I look at it, see what’s in it, and know that right there is exactly what I am looking for. And then I realise I have more important things to do (like pulling my wisdom teeth out with a toy wrench) and realistically, I just can’t be bothered venturing into a chasm from which I may not return in time for dinner.

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