Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 9 – Recognising when not to blog.

As you may have noticed, there was no blog last night.  I would like to thank the people who emailed me asking where it was; it’s nice to know that it’s not just my mum who reads!

When I blog, it tends to be a channel that I pourinto what ever my main feeling for the day was. Yesterday, I had a day where I honestly felt like I couldn’t go much further on. I started the day with a conversation to my lawyer, then to my union, then back to my lawer – and none of these phonecalls were of a positive nature.

The day just got progressively worse and by 4PM I was in such a funk that I may have been able to write a suicide-assist blog – which I am sure none of you need or want to read.

I had the opportunity to blog last night, but to be honest, I recognised that I was in no fit state of mind to write something that any amount of people may read. Just because I was miserable didn’t mean I had to write something that may have brought down someone elses mood.

Ask any blogger: The mood you are in reflects directly on to the piece you write. If you are cranky, you write a blog that is just pure vitriol. If you are happy, you write about sun shine and daisies and being awesome. If you are sad, you write about things that are too close to your heart and you end up bringing someone else down.

I have no right to do that to anyone.

I am currently in one of the most difficult fights of my life, and some days it is a physical struggle to muster up enough cheer and smiles to write a blog that will make people smile or laugh. How can you write about an emotion or for an emotion when it is so far from your mind at the moment? You can’t. Your true emotions end up showing through and impacting.

Recognising that last night was  not blog-able was a big step for me. It was learning to contain what I was thinking and feeling instead of spewing it out in a massive case of fat-chick-crazy.

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january 11: It’s nothing personal. I just Can’t stand you!

We all know that one person who we cant stand; and everything about them does nothing but piss you off.

From their tinny laugh to their unrelated comments, nothing they do makes you smile, or genuinely laugh. And you know that the moment that they walk in the room, you wont be happy till they leave it!

Can you guess what I had tonight?

It’s nights like tonight that make me wish I was back in the sandpit, where you could throw sand in someones eyes and the reason is as simple as “I dont like her!”

But, I am an adult, and I wont do it. I will sit calmly, and quietly, imagining different blood trickling scenes, until they get up and leave – or I do.

I always remain courteous to the person – but I have not quite mastered the art of pretending to like someone. I honestly don’t think I ever will, nor do I really want to. I don’t see the point in leading someone to believe something that isn’t true – especially when my thoughts behind the words tend to lean more toward I-want-to-stab-you-with-a-screw-driver. In-The-Head. A-Lot.

I know that there are plenty of people who can’t stand me, and I am quite OK with that. No One likes every one, right? I find myself being so polite that I am almost patronizing to the person, because I know that annoys them more than anything will. And when people are overly-polite to me, I know exactly what is going through their head because chances are, it is what is going through mine.

Unless I really really  dislike someone, I can keep the venom out of my voice, and keep up with the light hearted banter that usually surrounds the proverbial table. But, it is when I dislike someone so intensely that I honestly see red at the thought of them near me, that my inner bitch-zilla comes out and just cannot be contained.

I’ve tried several times to contain my inner bitchdom, but more often than not, it doesn’t work. It could be being overly sarcastic and caustic, or it could be silence (which is apparently an obvious note that I am pissed!), or it could be just glaring at the person till I feel like I can see right through them. I have been told that my words hurt, but my glare kills. I guess I got that off my Momma!

It annoys me when you have made it quite plain that you do not like a person, and they just do not get the hint. Hello? Colonel Mustard, In The Library, With The Wrench! It is painfully obvious that I do not like you, by the one word answers, the polite but indifferent glances when you speak, and the way that sometimes I just can’t stop myself from an ejaculation along the lines off, “Are you Serious? Like, Really?”

I am told that my reluctance to “smooth over” awkward social scenes is a serious downfall of mine, along with making people feel incredibly uncomfortable around me, particularly if I don’t like them.
This statement leads me to the question: “Well, Why is it that I don’t like the person? Perhaps consider that it into your equation!”

I have never not liked someone for “no reason.” There is always a reason behind my dislike. It could  be that they lied to me, and got caught out. Or it could be that they disrespected my family or friends. Or it could be because they cheat at something, like Poker.  Or it could be a million other reasons – but, there is always a reason!

One of my personal little sayings is: If you think I don’t like you, you’re probably right.

I make no secret of my thoughts on pretending to like someone. In fact, it is one of the things that makes me “me”, and I’m proud of it.

Ok, Rant over. Tomorrow nights blog is going to be happy little epistle, and I look forward to seeing you then 🙂

What are your thoughts on tonights blog? Do you have any comments, theories or examples? Don’t for get to fire them off at me!

With Love and Hugs,
K x

 

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