Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

May 22: Spending some time with Nanny Middo

This is my pop:

And this is my awesome beanie:

What do these two things combined equate to? Spending time with Nanny Middo.

Dan, in a drunken stupor, volunteered us to go and watch my cousin play soccer at stupid o’clock on Sunday morning. To be fair, I did enjoy it (Myrtleford Savoy won 2-1 – GO BASS!) but it was still damn freezing. So I pulled out my super awesome beaning and trundled off losing about 10kg due to shivering and got into the spirit.

Pop was there as well and looking much more mature in his boring old jacket, started telling me how “awesome” my beanie is – his words for “you look like a tool, but hey, you’re Kloi, I’m kind of used to it.” Any way, he was laughing and ribbing me about my bright beanie and ended it with “I want a white one, with the plaits and the pompoms, and I’m gonna wear it to Boules!” I’m still not a 100% certain whether he was being facetious or not, but I have called his bluff. I am knitting him one!

It took me back about 15 years to when Nanny tried to teach me to knit with an old magazine that had a ram telling you what to do. I heard all about my Great-Aunty Marg (Pop’s Sister) having knitted herself a cardi at 9, and how all her kids could knit. I wish now that I had paid more attention, because up until today I couldn’t cast on and I still can’t cast off. Anyway, I rose to the challenge (go me) and got my wool and needles then plonked down in front of youtube and watched a lesson.

Before I knew it, well, ok, 1/2 an hour, I had figured out how to do it and I was casting on like a pro… if a pro has to do a stitch 8 times, anyway.

It was strange, I could almost feel Nanny guiding my sausage fingers into what I had to do and how to pick up a stitch. I was sitting there, remembering her bowl with fake and dusty fruit, and her in her arm chair with me kneeling at her feet and it was nice. I didn’t feel sad, for the first time ever (although I will admit that I do now that I am writing about it) and I just sat for a moment, remembering.

I could almost see her tortoise shell needles click-clacking at a million miles an hour while she watched Wheel-Of-Fortune, and that look she gave me with a chuckled when I said “Naaaaaaaaan! I dropped another stitch!”. I could see her finding the stitch so quickly, and fixing it, and then handing it back to me. It was like I was 9 again.

It felt so… nice.

However, I highly doubt she would approve of me knitting while drooling over my Winchester boys.

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April 5: If I don’t shave my legs, I can save five minutes!

Does anyone ever have moments where it feels like your life has just gone “BAM!” and you have gone from trying to fill your days to trying to manage your days?

In the last two weeks I feel like this has happened to the stage where my head is spinning. I have gone from a life style where my days were my own and spending two hours at Meekas for coffee was a regular thing, to scheduling everything in half an hour blocks just to make sure I come through the other side. I’m not quite sure if I like it!

I have had kakes coming out of ears (good thing!), I have had parties that have had to be scheduled, and re-scheduled, I’ve had home commitments, family commitments, friend commitments; I have had days where I have left home at 8.30am knowing that I would return till after dark, days where I just know my Cat will be hating me for all the time spent away from her; and days where I just wish I could take five minutes to scratch this itch on my butt.

A month ago, I could usually estimate pretty well what my days would consist of: house work, the internet, reading, meeka, friends and cooking dinner. And now? Some times I don’t know if I am Arthur or Martha with everything I am doing!

Even tonight, I have had to schedule blogging in a twenty minute block (12 minutes to go!), I’ve had to juggle two kakes kooking very freaking slowly in between making sure the house is tidy for my Princess Party which I’ve got on tomorrow afternoon, and I’ve had to get everything organised for our Easter weekend – this after a day full of phone calls, appointments, consultations and panic attacks.

Now, I know to some people my life may not seem very busy, especially compared to theirs. But for someone who has gone from one extreme to the other, it is abso-freaking exhausting!

So what have I done to combat this feeling?

I have:

  1.  Made a list of priorities
  2. Left some room for movement in between appointments and responsibilities
  3. Realised my hand writing was disgusting so screwed list up
  4. Re-wrote said list
  5. Transferred list to my diary in my head
  6. Promptly lost my list

I know, I know, I can hear you all saying “God-damn she’s organised!”

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April 2: Changing things up…

So far, there have been a few nights in which I haven’t posted but have the next morning.
I have found that the posting every night has been more of an impact that I had first anticipated.

Some one who is a blogger said to me, make sure Blogging runs around your life, not your life around blogging – and that’s not what I have been doing for the last three months. I’ve been avoiding going places because I would have to blog, I would have to research, I would have to find a topic.

And last night, when I realised that I wasn’t going to blog because I was feeling so resentful toward it, I knew that things had to change. Something had to give, because I love this page, I love how my words pop up and that there is a piece of me in the Web that will stay around until such a time as the net no longer exists; but the resentment was building ever so slowly.

So I was laying in bed last night and ran through a myriad of options:

Shut down the page? No. That was impossible, I have too much to achieve on here.
Post once a week? No. The idea is that I have a post for every day of the year.
Spend a few hours and get a week or two’s blogs posted so I can have some time off? Maybe.

It took me a long while but I think I have come up with a solution that means I still will have a post for every day, but I will regain back some of my life and start to love the page again.

Starting today, I will only be posting every second day. But on this second day, you will be getting two blogs.

It’s something I thought long and hard about, before deciding. Would I be letting myself down? Would I be letting readers down? Does this decision equate me to giving up?

I decided that the answer to all of these questions was “No.”

I am not letting myself down – there will still be 365 posts by the end of the years.
I am not letting readers down – A burnt-out and resentful blogger is definitely not nice to read.
Does this mean I am giving up – Hell NO! It just means that I have recognized that I have to find a way to juggle my blog and my life in a way that neither of them suffers, as they have been.

I hope you can all understand this, and I hope that those of you who read this will still come back, even though I am not flooding your email or FB with the posts.

Lots of Love

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