March 24: What 2012 has taught me.

Tonight, while searching the blogosphere for inspiration, I came across findingravity and found an Idea that seemed perfect to me.
I have used her blog as inspiration and knowing how important it is to pass on credit where it needs to be, please pop over check her out.

Friends are the ones who catch you when you fall.

This year I have learnt what it means to have friends that will always be there to haul your drunken arse off the floor, who will answer your midnight text that says “I’m losing my shit, I don’t know what to do”, and who will rock up on your doorstep with a Coffee Milk, a Hug, and some carefully chosen words which basically tell me to snap out of my funk and realise that life is crap right now, but it will one day be better.

Having my circle of friends (which has expanded this year) means that I now have a circle of four people who have constantly got my whiny-assed back, and know that sometimes, I need to cry just as much as I need someone to bitch slap some sense into me. They have shown me that just because you have a friend or two, it doesn’t mean you have mates.

They have encouraged me to do what I have to do in order to better Daniel and I’s lives, they have shown me what I have the strength to achieve; And above all else, they have shown me that I have four people in this wild and nasty world who believe in me and what I can accomplish. To these four people, I hope you know who you are. Between Knee Reco’s, KuppyKakes, Pearl Necklaces and Ferrets, I know my world is protected and I am safe with you four. Thank you.

A mosquito is miniscule, but it’s noise can keep you awake.

2012 Has been the year where I have had to grow some balls and realise that I may only be one person, but I have a foghorn of a voice and a set of very loud lungs. When asked recently if I knew that one person taking on a corporation was nearly impossible, I responded with “And a mosquito is only one small thing, yet it can keep a room awake for a night” I realised that I was right.

I can choose, right this very second, to take one of two choices that will define me for the rest of my life. I can be a door mat, and accept the treatment which I know I didn’t deserve; or I can be the Karma Bus, cruising along to VengaBoys, standing up for rights that every worker deserves. I choose the latter.

This year has seen me have to stand up and face up to the brutal world of business ethics (or lack thereof) and fight for justice in a universe where the dollars talk, the abusers walk, and the abused stumble and fall. As such, while I fight with a mental issue that is some days crippling, I know I have the strength to fight harder and meaner. I may not make a difference in what was done to me – but at least I know my baby sisters will have the knowledge that no person can ever make your life hell without retribution.

With an attitude like mine, some people find me intimidating.

This year has seen my attitude grow to a level somewhere along the same lines as Godzilla’s – it’s dinoriffic and I’m proud of it. I no longer allow people to walk all over me and treat me like I am shit on their shoe. You don’t like me? That’s fine. You think I’m a bitch? Well done on reaching a conclusion that was realised many years ago.  You think I miss you? Pfft!

The attitude is somewhat of a self-defense mechanism, yes. But when I had the choice to grovel for something that I still don’t know of, or standing tall like my Momma taught me, I finally chose to stand. I have gone from being the person who bends over backwards to help someone, even when it means I am put out, to someone who will walk on by and think “Fu*k Ya!”

I like it. I like being beholden to no one, and this year has shown me that I can be self-sufficient, I can be OK without others, and I can live a life without them. It has shown me that it’s OK to rock the boat, it’s OK to stand up for yourself like you were taught, and above all else, It’s OK to be ME!

If the world didn’t suck we would all fall off.

Finally, I have learnt and accepted that sometimes this world we live in just plain old sucks nuts. The world is not fair, it is not right, and all I can do is accept what I can accept, change what I can change, and be the best Kloi-Jayd I can be.

The world has to suck for every one – other wise, how would we appreciate and value the days that are amazing? How would we have something to compare if there were no bad days or good days? Would we even appreciate those days where we feel grateful to be alive if we didn’t have days that made us want to crawl into a hole and die?

I have come to acknowledge that it is OK for me to have a bad day. It’s OK for me to have a day where I can’t get out of my pyjamas through this depressed-induced fog that clouds my mind sometimes. As long as I can do it one day, and know that the sucky time I am in right now is not always going to be there. One day, my life will be as perfect as it can be. Until then, I just have to ride this roller coaster that sometimes makes me want a refund, and wait for the day when the ride stops and can go no further.

January 13th: Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

I struggled for a long time on what to write tonight. I had all these plans but for some reason tonight they felt as trivial as a piece of rubbish on the wind.

Tonight I watched the funeral of Kristian Anderson. He has been all over the news, after his massive fight with cancer, in which the cancer ultimately won.

But this post isn’t another about cancer; it’s one about holding close to you those whom you don’t know how you would live without.

I am one who is, for the most part, grateful beyond belief for my family, my friends, and the people who I have just met within the last week but who have supported me.

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner, family, friends?

I tell Daniel whenever we part company, whenever we hang up the phone – even if its been 5 phone calls in 5 minutes, at night before I go to sleep and in the morning when I wake.

It is the same with my family. When I leave or they leave, or when they hang up the phone. My last words are always “Loveyoubye.” Yes, I say it so quickly it all runs together.

My Grandmother, who only says “Love you too” in the cases of extreme pain or worry, even gets a “Love You” when I hang up the phone.

Some people tell me I am silly to do this. They’re all my family, of course they know you love them. Well, Yes. I’m sure they do. But if one of them died tomorrow and I never got to see them again, I would know that the last thing they heard me say was that I loved them.

As mentioned in a previous post, the last thing I said to Nanny Middo was that I loved her. And that one little fact is so important to me, though it may seem trivial to you.

Another Grandmother drummed into me at an early age, that “There is never too much love in the world.” This is something that I hold true to as well. It is something that I will pass on to my kids, and will teach them to pass it on to theirs.

Even my best friend and I tell each other “Lubb Lubb”, because that’s saying “I Love You” but with some added awesomeness.

There are times when I positively Yearn to hang up on Daniel, my parents, my siblings, or my family because they have frustrated me so much. It is very rare that I do, and if I have been pushed that far, the conversation is followed by a text that says I love them. I am too scared to face the possibility that the last thing I have ever said to someone was in anger, and cranky, and maybe not 100% meant.

How do I know that tomorrow isn’t going to leave me like it has to so many others, alone, scared, devastated and wishing that I had taken the opportunity to tell someone I loved them just one more time.

Tonight, give your partner an extra hug; send your mate a message; send your parents an email. And if it is too late for you to do it this way, shout it to the Heavens. Heaven doesn’t have good reception for your mobiles, so your text or phone call wont get there.

Sometimes, Life is too short.

“Life is short, even if you live to be 100 years old that is but a blink in eternity.” – Kristian Anderson.

To read more about Kristian and his battle, you can visit his blog here

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January 4th: when bad things happen to good people.

Hi everyone!

In the last two weeks, I have been made aware – VERY aware – of how lucky I am to have my family and friends in relatively good health.

I think everyone has a tendency at some point to just think “FML!!!” and feel like everything in your life is against you, and that nothing will ever go right. Sometimes, Life is like that: it bitch slaps you silly and makes you confront things that you have to rectify, or deal with, or learn to ignore.

But what happens when it’s a little person who is being handled a rather large obstacle to deal with?

Those of you in my mothers circle will know who I am talking about, but in the interests of keeping his privacy intact, I am going to omit his name.

The child In question is only that: a child. He is a preteen, a mad soccer fan and just an all round, nice, pleasant, well brought up child.

Before Christmas, the little dude was diagnosed with “Perthes Disease.” (Did you go straight to Google like I did?)

Perthes’ disease is a disorder of the hip joint in children. Children often have difficulty in describing their initial symptoms. In the early stages of Perthes’ disease, your child will have a limp that often comes and goes. The limp may get worse as the disease progresses. Eventually, your child may feel pain in the knee, thigh or groin when they put weight on the leg or move the hip joint. Also, there will be less movement in the hip joint. If your child has had the condition for a long time, the affected leg may be slightly thinner and shorter.

Despite pain and limping, these children are healthy. Perthes’ disease usually affects children between the ages of three and eleven years. It is more common in boys than in girls. Only one hip is affected in over three-quarters of children.

( http://kidshealth.chw.edu.au/fact-sheets/perthes-disease )

After an appointment with a wonderful surgeon, it was discovered that this diagnosis was wrong, and he had SUFE. (Again, Mr. Google comes in handy.)

A ‘Slipped Upper Femoral Epiphysis’ (also called a ‘SUFE’) is a condition involving the hip joint. The hip joint works as a ball and socket. With a SUFE, the growth plate (called the epiphyseal plate) at the top of the thigh bone is weak and the ball (head of the femur) slips downward and backward. The exact cause of this condition is not known, but there may be a link between increased weight and puberty hormones. A ‘SUFE’ is not usually associated with an injury. The symptoms often develop slowly – over several months – and may seem like a pulled muscle in the hip, thigh or knee. It is important to get an early diagnosis and treatment before the slip gets worse and children may need to have the unaffected side treated as well to prevent future slipping.

( http://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/factsheets.cfm?doc_id=5766 )

Now, the little Dude had his operation today, and I am led to believe that it went well.

There is going to be a long time of recuperation for this little dude, and for a keen soccer player, a swimming fanatic, and an active person, twelve months is a long time to be sitting stagnant while you heal properly.

Just using this one example, does it make you question your last “poor-me” moment? Because it does for me.

It makes me realise how lucky and fortunate my family and I are to know that

To the little dude, and his parents and brother, I am thinking of you and am hoping for his speedy recovery.