Ramblings of a Ringless Wife

Ringless Wife, Messy House, Cluttered Brain. All in a standard day.

April 21: Ten instances where being a fat chick rocks.

Ok, so we all aware of the stigma surrounding being a plus size woman in a negative sized society. Tonight, I was feeling particularly bad about having more junk in my trunk, so I thought up 10 instances where it rocks.

1- AT CONCERTS (or any other place where people are in your way):

Being of bigger frame, I find my hip-and-shoulder  technique tends to be quite effective. This means I can get to where I need to go with out fear of being trampled on, and simultaneously barrage my way through. It also means that people GTFO of my way when they see me running through. It’s kind of like being a Trojan horse… without being made of wood and filled with 100 men all wanting to kill someone.

2- WHEN YOU’RE SICK:

I always wonder what would happen to my smaller sized family members if they were to get really sick. They would waste away to practically nothing, and have nothing left to fight whatever germ was munching on their immune system. I know that if I was to get sick, I would at least have a lot of body that could waste away before it became panic stations for every one. (Note to all those who care about me – if this happens to me, don’t stress. I’ll probably love the result.)

3- YOU CAN PULL OFF A LOT OF LOOKS THAT SKINNY LOVELIES JUST CANT:

The other day I was seated in front two girls who had about 50kg differentiating them but had the same look going on. I’m talking vanity curls, striking makeup, and rock-a-billy clothes. The smaller girl looked nice, I won’t deny that. But the bigger chick definitely had the “oomph” factor that made you stare in wonder at her. It was like the look had been made for the bigger girl, where as the petite one was just playing dress ups.

4- PEOPLE LOVE YOU, NOT YOUR LOOK:

Now, this isn’t to say that you skinny minnies don’t have “true” friends, it’s just to say that bigger people have to rely on their personalities to attract positive attention.
Bigger girls do tend to get “ignored” in social settings, such as clubs, pubs, parties etc. So we have to have a personality that draws people to us and makes them look beyond the number on the tag of our clothes. If we attract a guy’s notice, it’s not because you can see Tasmania at the bottom of our skirt, it’s because of our personality.
Again, I reiterate, this is not to say anything bad about our petite friends, this is just an observation I have made.

5- WE LEARN THE BEST COMEBACKS TO “FAT” JOKES:

Every big girl has had fat comments thrown at them out of malice. It’s always laughable when these comments come out of the mouth of someone who is also a big bottomed personage.
Early on, my Mum taught me a come-back that I still use today: I can lose my weight, but you’re always going to be an (insert whatever adjective you want here, eg. ignorant, ugly) (insert whatever name suits you here – I tend to go with the “F” word more than anything.)”
You learn how to turn their ignorant comment back on the person saying it, which tends to leave them open mouthed and looking like a Trout more than anything.

6- WE GET F****D WITH A LOT LESS:

During my five-year stop over at Domino’s, I spent a lot of time in dodgy neighborhoods where most women would have been afraid. I quickly learnt that being a big chick came with the advantage that people just wouldn’t mess with you. I don’t know if it’s because I’m told I can be intimidating or because they were worried I might sit on them, but hey! I will take this point and run with it.

7- WE LEARN, VERY EARLY ON, THAT BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT SOCIETY DEEMS, BUT WHAT WE ARE IN OURSELVES:

I remember being in high school and being teased about my weight incessantly. Because of this, I learnt that you should never ever judge a book by it’s cover. Ok, so someone might be what is deemed “fat” but they may have had a wicked sense of humor, been a great friend or been just like me, craving acceptance that their belly wouldn’t let them have. I don’t tease or belittle anyone for their size because I know that being big is not always a choice.

8- WE STAY WARMER IN WINTER:

This kind of ties in to my point about being sick – there is more of our body to help insulate us and keep us warm, as opposed to people who are skinny (be it naturally or otherwise) who have very little between their skin and their bones. Let’s not forget, it’s because of their blubber that we have gorgeous seals, polar bears and dolphins!!!

9- WE HAVE SOME AWESOME ROLE MODELS:

Curvy stars, such as the likes of the gorgeous Marilyn Monroe and Queen Latifah, provide us with role models who show us that being big is not a bad thing – it is part of who we are and we are a force to be reckoned with! These two stars in particular, as well as many like them, have/had shunned societies view of being fat as being unacceptable, and helped buck the trend that thin is in. When I am having day that makes me feel like I’m worthless because of my size, I put on a movie that showcases these beautiful ladies, because they prove to me that I am not worthless just because I have jiggly bits.

10- WE GET THE BEST SONGS WRITTEN FOR US:

Fat Bottomed Girls, By Queen
Big Girl, By Mika
Baby Got Back, By Sir Mix-A-Lot

These are my three favorite songs that promote curves and their lusciousness. Perfect for if you’re feeling less-than-adequate about your curves, your lumps, your bumps, and the size of your butt! I have these songs on my iPod and I use them as my “pump up” songs for when I’m going somewhere that I know I am going to self conscious at.

Disclaimer: this is not to belittle, upset, abuse, defame, humiliate or any other such negative feeling any women or men who are of smaller frame. This is just instances that I noticed rock for being a woman with junk in my trunk… and belly… and thighs!

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January 6: Do you have any skinny jeans in size Fat?

(NB: I’m combining an old blog of mine with todays new one for this edition)

Ugh. That dreaded problem of wanting look fashionable but the sizes only go up to “+ size 16”

Plus Size? 16? Ex-squeeze me?

Being of a larger size, I find it hard to find clothes that are in fashion right now but don’t make me look like the Michelin Man. I am 24… not 54! I don’t want to wear pleated slacks and printed blouses that are not out of place in my grandparents wardrobe!

I tend to live in Maxi Dresses, 3/4 leggings and a long top, or tighter top with a huge skirt. Its comfy, it’s easy, and to shop for those items is as simple as walking into a shop, going to my size and taking the ones I like. But, that doesn’t help with the sense of being Heffalump in a world of Skinny Minnies.

Body Image. Who hasn’t had an issue with their body image, be it real or percieved?

–noun: an intellectual or idealized image of what one’s body is or should be like that is sometimes misconceived in such mental disorders as anorexia nervosa.

I only recently began asking myself  “Do they [The Skinny Minnies] eat? Are they happier? What do they sacrifice to look that good? When was the last time they chowed down on a Maccas burger?”

How many of you reading this have starved yourself? How many of you have vomited after meals? How many of you have worked out to the point of collapse in order to get a body like Cindy Crawford?

Im Raising my hand to all of these questions. Every one of them.
But one thing that really gets on my nerves, and makes me so incredibly incensed is Magazines.
Magazines are meant to be “pro-body”. Or, at least they claim to be. Claim being the operative word. Yet, I devour them.
What about the rest of the girls out there, the ones who are beautiful but made to feel inferior because they have a pot belly? What about girls like me, the “big girl with the pretty face”, the girl who can’t be in your wedding because I wouldn’t look right in the dress?

We live in a society where your worth is measured by your waist. How do you know that me and my other plus size female species don’t have as good an idea as that size 8 that’s sitting in your sales team? You dont.
I am actively jumping back on the band wagon to change my appearance – but that is for next weeks blog. I am doing it because I’m sick of the health issues plaguing me, because I’m sick of being looked at askance, and because when I do have a child, I want people to not have to ask “Is she Pregnant or is she Fat?”
If you want to change yourself for whatever reason, then do it. But don’t do it to fit in to society – do it for yourself. You are beautiful, even if you are over weight. You are gorgeous, even if you have a pot belly. You are magnificent, even if you’re the big girl of your group.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Of all the millions of women on this world… only 8 are super models.

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