April 21: Ten instances where being a fat chick rocks.

Ok, so we all aware of the stigma surrounding being a plus size woman in a negative sized society. Tonight, I was feeling particularly bad about having more junk in my trunk, so I thought up 10 instances where it rocks.

1- AT CONCERTS (or any other place where people are in your way):

Being of bigger frame, I find my hip-and-shoulder  technique tends to be quite effective. This means I can get to where I need to go with out fear of being trampled on, and simultaneously barrage my way through. It also means that people GTFO of my way when they see me running through. It’s kind of like being a Trojan horse… without being made of wood and filled with 100 men all wanting to kill someone.

2- WHEN YOU’RE SICK:

I always wonder what would happen to my smaller sized family members if they were to get really sick. They would waste away to practically nothing, and have nothing left to fight whatever germ was munching on their immune system. I know that if I was to get sick, I would at least have a lot of body that could waste away before it became panic stations for every one. (Note to all those who care about me – if this happens to me, don’t stress. I’ll probably love the result.)

3- YOU CAN PULL OFF A LOT OF LOOKS THAT SKINNY LOVELIES JUST CANT:

The other day I was seated in front two girls who had about 50kg differentiating them but had the same look going on. I’m talking vanity curls, striking makeup, and rock-a-billy clothes. The smaller girl looked nice, I won’t deny that. But the bigger chick definitely had the “oomph” factor that made you stare in wonder at her. It was like the look had been made for the bigger girl, where as the petite one was just playing dress ups.

4- PEOPLE LOVE YOU, NOT YOUR LOOK:

Now, this isn’t to say that you skinny minnies don’t have “true” friends, it’s just to say that bigger people have to rely on their personalities to attract positive attention.
Bigger girls do tend to get “ignored” in social settings, such as clubs, pubs, parties etc. So we have to have a personality that draws people to us and makes them look beyond the number on the tag of our clothes. If we attract a guy’s notice, it’s not because you can see Tasmania at the bottom of our skirt, it’s because of our personality.
Again, I reiterate, this is not to say anything bad about our petite friends, this is just an observation I have made.

5- WE LEARN THE BEST COMEBACKS TO “FAT” JOKES:

Every big girl has had fat comments thrown at them out of malice. It’s always laughable when these comments come out of the mouth of someone who is also a big bottomed personage.
Early on, my Mum taught me a come-back that I still use today: I can lose my weight, but you’re always going to be an (insert whatever adjective you want here, eg. ignorant, ugly) (insert whatever name suits you here – I tend to go with the “F” word more than anything.)”
You learn how to turn their ignorant comment back on the person saying it, which tends to leave them open mouthed and looking like a Trout more than anything.

6- WE GET F****D WITH A LOT LESS:

During my five-year stop over at Domino’s, I spent a lot of time in dodgy neighborhoods where most women would have been afraid. I quickly learnt that being a big chick came with the advantage that people just wouldn’t mess with you. I don’t know if it’s because I’m told I can be intimidating or because they were worried I might sit on them, but hey! I will take this point and run with it.

7- WE LEARN, VERY EARLY ON, THAT BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT SOCIETY DEEMS, BUT WHAT WE ARE IN OURSELVES:

I remember being in high school and being teased about my weight incessantly. Because of this, I learnt that you should never ever judge a book by it’s cover. Ok, so someone might be what is deemed “fat” but they may have had a wicked sense of humor, been a great friend or been just like me, craving acceptance that their belly wouldn’t let them have. I don’t tease or belittle anyone for their size because I know that being big is not always a choice.

8- WE STAY WARMER IN WINTER:

This kind of ties in to my point about being sick – there is more of our body to help insulate us and keep us warm, as opposed to people who are skinny (be it naturally or otherwise) who have very little between their skin and their bones. Let’s not forget, it’s because of their blubber that we have gorgeous seals, polar bears and dolphins!!!

9- WE HAVE SOME AWESOME ROLE MODELS:

Curvy stars, such as the likes of the gorgeous Marilyn Monroe and Queen Latifah, provide us with role models who show us that being big is not a bad thing – it is part of who we are and we are a force to be reckoned with! These two stars in particular, as well as many like them, have/had shunned societies view of being fat as being unacceptable, and helped buck the trend that thin is in. When I am having day that makes me feel like I’m worthless because of my size, I put on a movie that showcases these beautiful ladies, because they prove to me that I am not worthless just because I have jiggly bits.

10- WE GET THE BEST SONGS WRITTEN FOR US:

Fat Bottomed Girls, By Queen
Big Girl, By Mika
Baby Got Back, By Sir Mix-A-Lot

These are my three favorite songs that promote curves and their lusciousness. Perfect for if you’re feeling less-than-adequate about your curves, your lumps, your bumps, and the size of your butt! I have these songs on my iPod and I use them as my “pump up” songs for when I’m going somewhere that I know I am going to self conscious at.

Disclaimer: this is not to belittle, upset, abuse, defame, humiliate or any other such negative feeling any women or men who are of smaller frame. This is just instances that I noticed rock for being a woman with junk in my trunk… and belly… and thighs!

April 20: May Day Hills Lunatic Asylum: Three years on and I’m still bloody petrified!!!

For my friend Rebecca’s birthday one year we decided to do the midnight ghost tour of the Lunatic Asylum in Beechworth named May Day Hills.

To this day, I am still petrified and I will not ever set foot back on the grounds of what is now La Trobe University. As in no way, never ever, bite my big butt, get lost, stick it up your jumper NEVER.

I know that there are sceptics out there who don’t believe in it, and that’s fine. But this account is what happened to ME on the tour, and it was no cause of imagination.

The photos in this blog were taken on the tour, by Erin Lander and Myself.

The tour is a great tool for history buffs wanting to learn more, or people like myself who didn’t believe and want to experience it.

When the tour started I was spooked by the stories, not by the ghosts. The tour took us through many buildings, and explained an awful and tragical piece of Beechworths history in the mental asylum.

Half way through the first building and on the top floor, I somehow became separated from the 20 or so strong group. I was spinning in circles and had no idea which way to turn. I couldn’t hear anything of the group, except footsteps. Which were behind a closed door. That was boarded up. I shook a little dookie out the bottom of my pants at this stage. Rebecca managed to find me and she heard the footsteps too. She looked at me, I looked at her – and cue two big chicks piss bolting through random rooms trying to find everyone else.

After this section had finished we were lead through the grounds to what was the womens dormitories. These have been left as they were and looking through the windows to see the conditions was horrific – but the claw marks at the wall were terrifying.
This is where our guide told us about the spirit that he always picks up there. I took a photo at the point and was astonished to see a purple orb beside him.

Photo By Me
Purple orb on his left hand side

From this point we moved on into a mess hall and kitchen space – Daniel experienced some weird phenomena but I, thankfully, didn’t.

We were taken across the lot and over the division, through the plantation (yes, I am being deliberately sketchy – I know people who are going on this tour and I don’t feel right giving a minutely detailed summary)  and ended up in the building named the Grevillea.

This is where I came undone. And by Undone, I mean a gibbering ball of screaming mascara in a corner. (Erins husband, Adam, was filming the whole tour. My screaming features heavily apparently!)

Photo Taken By Me
Right hand side window, top left pane. Image of a childs face.

 

We were forewarned that this the most “active”, in the paranormal sense, building. Ha Ha, I thought. Yeah right. Bullshit.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

Photo By Me

 

I walked in through a patch of air that was as cold as Ice. I couldn’t feel my finger tips. These rooms have again, been left as they were during MayDay Hills’ hey day.

Photo by Erin Lander
No ghosts but still a freaky pic

 

We were then lead into what was called a “Treatment room” – in other words, a torture cell. This is where they found me in my freaked right out glory. To say I was losing my shit was not an understatement.

After spending half an hour in the grevillea we went back outside to regroup. It was after this we were lead into a great hall where Erin felt a child grab her wrist – only there was no one there.

Photo by Erin Lander
Shape in the right hand side

 

We spent 20 minutes in this hall and I will admit, I was too busy shaking the poo out of my pants to pay much attention to the story being told. I am led to believe it was very informative though!

Photo by Erin Lander
Zoom in on the face in the beam of light.

 

After a trip through the underground cells, in which is a wall that conceals something but is not allowed to be removed due to heritage laws, Our three hour tour had come to an end and I was a mess. I didn’t talk the whole way home, I didn’t talk about the tour for weeks after wards, and even writing this now has given me the heebie jeebies and my back porch feels spooky.

I would love to hear from others who have gone on this trip and who want to compare photos and stories – as long as it’s far far far away from that place which I never will ever return to.